That's So Portmanteau
by TheGryfter
Summary: At Rachel's bachelorette party things get out of hand. There's... a moment... with Quinn. So begins an emotional rollercoaster that will determine the fates of 3 people who all loved each other, once upon a time. But now, it's time to choose.
1. Intro

_A **portmanteau:** ( plural __portmanteaux_ or _portmanteaus_) or **portmanteau word** is a combination of two (or more) words into one new word. e.g. in popular culture, Brad + Angelina= Brangelina. 

_._

A/N: Okay, so this is going to require some explanation.

First off, this is the reason I've been neglecting all other fanfiction. There's a 160 page sequel to come after this (yes, that's finished too).

It started as a gift to my friend Sam (Samantha), one of the original Faberry freaks, on her birthday. I couldn't decide what to get her, and then I remembered something she's always complaining about: "Faberry fanfiction can be hot as hell, but it's rarely believable. And Finn's always the bad guy."

So I took it upon myself to write a Faberry fic that could undo that. A story I, as a dyed-in-the-wool Finchel fan, could believe. And I am Finchel. Believe me. I watched Michael with Sam and her 13 year old goddaughter, and I was the only one crying at Just can't Stop Loving You!

But... I enjoyed this. So much. And now, there's a little piece of me that will always be reserved for Rachel and Quinn, come what may.

I'm including the soundtrack to start. I recommend listening to the songs as they come up. It adds to the experience.

And, last, I hope it's an experience for you. Be you, Finchel, Faberry, Samcedes, Santittany, Puckleberry, Klaine, whatever... remember_,_ it's _all so portmanteau! _

.

**FOR SAMMY - WHO ALWAYS BELIEVED,**

**AND FOR T-BOZ - WHO JUST GETS IT.**

.

The Soundtrack:

01 - LADY MARMALADE - moulin rouge

02 - FRIENDS LIKE You - bowling for soup

03 - DIRRTY - christina aguilera

04 - A WHOLE NEW WORLD - disney's aladdin

05 - SOMETHING STUPID - robbie williams & nicole kidman

06 - CARELESS WHISPER - george michael

07 - GLITTER IN THE AIR - p!nk

08 - FALL FOR YOU - secondhand serenade

09 - ONLY HOPE - mandy moore

10 - ALL OR NOTHING - o-town

11 - IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE - roxette

12 - KISS ME - sixpence none the richer

13 - WHAT ABOUT NOW - daughtry

14 - FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BROKEN HEART - britney spears

15 - I DARE YOU TO MOVE - switchfoot

16 - AS I LAY ME DOWN - sophie b. hawkins

.

.

.


	2. Teaser

**GLEE**

"**THAT'S SO PORTMANTEAU!"**

**by theGryfter**

**ACT 1, SCENE 1**

**INT.WILLIAMMCKINLEYHIGH,HALLWAY **

IF SMURFS HAD SNOWCONES - AND WHO ARE WE TO BELIEVE THAT THEY DON'T? - THEY'D LOOK LIKE JACOB BEN ISRAEL'S JBI-MONOGRAMMED MICROPHONE. MINUS THE MONOGRAM, OF COURSE. THAT'S JUST STUPID. THE THING'S SO BLUE, DR PHIL'S CONSIDERING A SERIES ON IT.

WE COME IN ON JBI'S POCKMARKED, PERMANENTLY BEFUDDLED FACE. CAMERA PULLS BACK TO ACCOMMODATE THE JEW-FRO.

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

You heard it here first, kids!

(BEAT)

They say a lie can run around the world before the truth has got it's boots on, but we can now confirm that-

**CAMERA GUY**

Er... what?

JBI GLARES AT THE SCREEN, CLEARLY PISSED:

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

(SCREECHING)

What did I tell you about interrupting me?

**CAMERA GUY**

That doesn't make any sense.

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

What?

**CAMERA GUY**

That truth wearing shoes thing.

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

It's just a-

(PAUSE, FIGHTING FOR CALM)

It's just an expression.

**CAMERA GUY**

What does it mean?

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

We don't have time for this.

**CAMERA GUY**

I'm just asking.

(BEAT)

I don't get it.

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

My loyal audience will.

**CAMERA GUY**

Who? Your mom?

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

Gimme that!

JBI LUNGES AT THE SCREEN, GIVING US A FAR TOO EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF A NOSE SO JEWISH IT PROVOKES SPONTANEOUS NAZISM.

THERE'S A SCREECH, A SCUFFLE, A BANG AND A CLATTER. CAMERA COMES TO REST ON IT'S SIDE, POINTED DOWN HALLWAY, SHOWING US LEGS OF DISINTERESTED STUDENTS MAKING THEIR WAY TO CLASS. CAMERA GUY SHOVES THROUGH THE PRESS IN A TIFF.

CAMERA SHUDDERS AGAIN AS IT'S PICKED UP, SWINGS ROUND, AND AGAIN WE SEE JBI'S FACE FILLING THE SCREEN.

FROM THE ANGLE WE CAN TELL HE WAS SHOVED OVER, AND NOW SITS WITH HIS BACK AGAINST THE LOCKERS.

**JACO****B ****BE****N ****ISRAE****L **(cont'd)

Now, before we were so rudely interrupted, I was about to break the big scoop… For the past couple of weeks McKinley High has been absolutely abuzz with news of the impending nuptials of the clean-cut boy next door, Finn Hudson, and the beautiful, talented, sultry… exquisite… er…

HE TRAILS OFF, HIS MIND DRIFTING TO HIS SPECIAL PLACE. AFTER A BEAT, HE MANAGES TO SHAKE HIMSELF BACK TO REALITY.

**JACO****B ****BE****N ****ISRAE****L **(cont'd)

Um… what was I-?

(BEAT)

Oh, yes, the wedding of Finn and Rachel. Granted, he isn't Jewish, so it's a complete betrayal of the tribe, but who am I - Jacob Ben Israel - to question Miss Berry's judgement on this one? Even the Glee Club's surprising win at Regionals has taken a backseat in the Twitterverse to tidbits about Rachel's dress, and her choice of stylist, and her bouquet…

ONCE MORE, HE TRAILS OFF. BUT THIS TIME, ONLY TO EXECUTE A SLOW, DRAMATIC PUSH IN WITH THE CAMERA. HE OVER-EXECUTES AND BASHES HIMSELF IN THE HEAD.

**JACO****B ****BE****N ****ISRAE****L **(cont'd)

Ow!

(BEAT, SO DRAMATIC)

Until now.

(BEAT)

Because I can exclusively reveal that a spanner has been thrown into the works. It all started at Rachel's bachelorette party. Now, I wasn't there because the tickets Santana Lopez sold me for five hundred dollars turned out to be fake, but I have trustworthy sources who were in attendance that saw it all go down. And they're all in one voice. The long-awaited Finchel wedding may not be happening! Because Rachel's heart belongs to another. What was once an obscure sect on the fringes of the JBI blogosphere can now take centre stage!

(BEAT )

There was a kiss, ladies and gentlemen! With tongue! That's right… step forward, those who called it.

(BEAT)

From this historic day on, we usher in the time of… _Faberry!_

HIS GRIN IS SO MANIC.

**CUT TO:**


	3. Rules & Preparations

**ACT 1, SCENE 2**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM **

_LEGEND: 24 HOURSEARLIER_

**WIL****L ****SCHUSTE****R **IS AT THE WHITE BOARD. HE SCRAWLS DOWN THE WORDS: SAD COUNTRY MUSIC AND SUICIDE, BEFORE TURNING TO THE GATHERED GLEE CLUB THAT INCLUDES - IN THE BACK ROW: **NOA****H ****(PUCK****) ****PUCKERMAN****, ****FINN HUDSON****, ****RACHE****L****BERRY****, ****BLAIN****E ****ANDERSO****N ****AND KUR****T ****HUMMEL****. **IN THE MIDDLE ROW: **SANTANA LOPEZ****, ****BRITTAN****Y ****S****. ****PIERCE****, ****ROR****Y ****FLANAGAN AN****D ****SA****M ****EVANS****. **UP FRONT: **ARTI****E ****ABRAHAMS, MIK****E ****CHAN****G ****JR.****, ****TIN****A ****COHEN-CHANG****, ****SUGAR MOTT****A ****AN****D ****MERCEDE****S ****JONES.**

**WILL**

Right, your assignment for the week...

IN BACK, RACHEL'S HAND SHOOTS INTO THE AIR.

**RACHEL**

Mister Schu!

**WILL**

(SIGHS)

Yes, Rachel?

RACHEL SPRINGS - YES, SPRINGS - TO HER FEET, AND SKIPS - YES, SKIPS - DOWN TO THE FRONT TO STAND BESIDE WILL.

**RACHEL**

Well, as you all know, tonight Finn and I are having our bachelor-slash-bachelorette parties...

**PUCK**

Yeah, we all got your _Rule__s __o__f __Behaviou__r e_-mail.

**ARTIE**

I made the mistake of printing it out.

(BEAT)

Now I need a new printer cartridge.

**RACHEL**

And I knew you testosterone-pumped boys would be complaining about my blanket ban on strippers, so-

**PUCK**

Wait! Hold up!

(BEAT)

No strippers?

**RACHEL**

I thought you got the e-mail.

**PUCK**

I didn't say I _rea__d _it.

**RACHEL**

Anyway, I anticipated that you wouldn't exactly be thrilled with the situation.

**MIKE**

Damn straight!

HE HAS TO DUCK A SIDE-SWIPE FROM TINA.

**RACHEL**

So, we arranged a little treat for you.

**FINN**

Whoah, what's going on? I don't know anything about a treat.

(BEAT)

And who's _we?_

**RACHEL**

I wanted it to be a surprise. I figured if I'm going to send you off to a bachelor party with this group, I'd rather all of

you got your sexual pseudo-gratification out of the way beforehand.

**FINN**

You just said like fifteen words I don't understand.

**BRITTANY**

Only fifteen?

**RACHEL**

You've all probably noticed that Quinn and I are dressed to match today.

**SANTANA**

That's so sweet...

(BEAT)

They think we actually pay attention to them.

QUINN FABRAY RISES, RATHER MORE ELEGANTLY, TO HER FEET AND COMES TO STAND NEXT TO RACHEL. MR. SCHU, RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS OF HIS CLASS BEING ANNEXED BY RACHEL, HAS LONG SINCE RETREATED TO THE STOOL BY THE PIANO.

NOW THAT THEY WERE SIDE BY SIDE, THE CLASS NOTICED RACHEL AND QUINN'S MATCHING OUTFITS.

BOTH ARE CLAD IN BLACK LEATHER MINI-SKIRTS AND WHITE SHIRTS, KNOTTED UNDER THEIR BREASTS, REVEALING MATCHING DIAMOND-STUD BELLY RINGS. KNEE-HIGH STILETTO BOOTS COMPLETE THE ENSEMBLES.

**RORY**

Boing!

THE CLASS, AS ONE, TURN TO LOOK AT HIM.

**SAM**

Boing?

**RORY **

(GRAVE)

Boing.

**RACHEL**

Anyhoo... Quinn and I prepared a song to send you guys on your way tonight. It's a little risqué, but it's a classic! We hope you enjoy.

A HUSH OF ANTICIPATION FALLS ON THE ROOM. QUINN AND RACHEL BACK UP SO THEY'RE STANDING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE ROOM, FACING EACH OTHER. WITH A LITTLE TWIRL OF HER FINGER, QUINN SIGNALS THE BAND, AND THE DRUMMER KICKS IN A BEAT.

RACHEL STEPS FORWARD WITH A… SEDUCTIVE STRUT. AND FOR FINN, THE WHOLE WORLD BEGINS TO SWIRL.

WE STAY ON FINN'S POV, HEARING THAT WAAH- WAAH-WAAH SOUND CHARLIE BROWN HEARS WHEN HIS TEACHERS TALK. IT'S APPARENT THE GIRLS ARE SINGING, BUT FINN'S COMPLETELY FOCUSED ON HIS FIANCEE' AND HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND ESSENTIALLY USING EACH OTHER'S BODIES AS STRIPPER POLES. HE ONLY TUNES BACK IN AGAIN WHEN AN EXCITED PUCK ELBOWS HIM IN THE RIBS AND WHISPERS:

**PUCK**

Dude, I hate you so much right now.

**RACHEL **

(SINGING)

_He sat in her boudoir while she freshened __up._

_Boy drank all that Magnolia wine._

_On her black satin sheets is where he started to freak, yeah…_

BY NOW, THE REST OF THE GIRLS HAVE BEEN RECRUITED AS BACK-UP DANCERS. THEY ALL JOIN IN THE CHORUS, BUT THE REAL ACTION IS RACHEL AND QUINN UP-FRONT.

**GIRLS**

_Giuchie giuchie yaya dada (da-da-da)_

_Giuchie giuchie yaya here (here-oohoo-yea- __yeah)_

_Mocha choca lata ya ya (yea)_

_Creole Lady Marmalade!_

QUINN SLINKS FORWARD, AND STARTS DOING A HIP-SPLITTING GRIND, ALMOST IN ARTIE'S FACE.

**QUINN**

_Touch of her skin feelin' silky smooth,_

_Colour of café' au lait._

_Made the savage beast inside roar until he __cried..._

_More-more-more!_

**RACHEL**

_Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5..._

**QUINN**

_Livin' the grey flannel life._

**RACHEL**

_But when he turns off to sleep memories __creep.__._.

**QUINN**

_More... more.. MORE!_

**GIRLS**

_Giuchie giuchie yaya dada (da-da-da)_

_Giuchie giuchie yaya here (here-oohoo-yea- __yeah)_

_Mocha choca lata ya ya (yea)_

_Creole Lady Marmalade!_

THE REMAINING BOYS - MINUS FINN AND KURT - LEAP TO THEIR FEET AND ROAR SO LOUD THAT:

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, MRS. CLEARY'S CLASSROOM**

THE SLUMBERING, GERIATRIC MRS. CLEARY (FAST ASLEEP AND OBLIVIOUS OF THE CLASS PLAYING DICE IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM) STARTS AWAKE, ALMOST FALLING OUT OF HER CHAIR.

**MRS. CLEARY **

What was-?

WE CONTINUE TO HEAR THE CHEERS COMING FROM THE GLEE CLUB. MRS. CLEARY'S CLASS SPARE HER THE BRIEFEST GLANCE, THEN CONTINUE WHAT THEY WERE DOING. THE OLD WOMAN CLUTCHES AT HER CHEST.

**MRS. CLEARY (cont'd)**

Oh, my God... my pacemaker... my...

THEY STILL PAY HER NO HEED.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM **

THE CLUB CONGREGATE AROUND RACHEL AND QUINN, CONGRATULATING THEM ON A GREAT SONG.

**PUCK**

Okay, that totally makes up for no strippers.

**RACHEL **

Really?

**PUCK**

No. You're worse than my rabbi.

SHAKING HER HEAD, RACHEL PUSHES THROUGH THE PRESS AND COMES UP TO FINN.

**RACHEL**

So? What did you think?

**FINN**

What language was that?

**RACHEL **

French.

**FINN**

What did it mean?

**RACHEL**

I'll tell you later.

(LEANS CLOSE, WHISPERS)

I hope you like chocolates and tongue baths.

WITH THAT, RACHEL PRIMLY STEPS AWAY. FINN JUST STANDS THERE, GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT.

.

.

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY **

SANTANA AND BRITTANY ARE TRAMPING DOWN THE STAIRS, FOLLOWED BY AN OUTRAGED KURT.

**KURT**

Why not?

**SANTANA**

Because... it's creepy!

**KURT**

Gasp!

**BRITTANY**

Did you just say gasp?

**KURT**

I am outraged! I am mortified!

**SANTANA**

You're also still not invited.

(BEAT)

I don't know why you want to come with us anyway. The guys are gonna be all male-bondy, or whatever. I would've thought that would be right up your alley.

**KURT**

I was on the football team for a while-

**SANTANA**

You were?

**KURT**

Yes! I got the winning dropkick.

**BRITTANY**

Field goal.

**KURT**

Whatever.

(BEAT)

Anyway, I know what real male bonding looks like. And sounds like.

(CRINKLES NOSE)

And... oh, God... smells like.

**SANTANA**

You're exaggerating.

**KURT**

You think so? Do you know they have a funky jockstrap competition? Uh huh, it's been going for four years.

**BRITTANY**

And by funky, you mean...?

**KURT**

I don't mean the hotpants and clock jewellery kind of funk, no.

**SANTANA**

EW!

(TO BRITTANY)

Have I thanked you lately for saving me from all things testosteroney?

**BRITTANY**

I'm like Jesus with a penis embargo.

THAT COMMENT STOPS KURT DEAD FOR A SECOND, ALLOWING SANTANA AND BRITTANY TO PULL AHEAD. BUT HE QUICKLY SHAKES IT OFF AND HURRIES TO CATCH UP.

**KURT**

Look, Blaine can get along fine just being one of the guys, but me...? I'd rather spend the evening with people who don't think Mark Jakobs was a pitcher for the Yankees.

**SANTANA**

Insert pitcher and catcher joke here.

**BRITTANY**

What?

**SANTANA**

Okay, fine! You can come.

**KURT**

Yay.

**SANTANA**

But only because I know that if you don't get your way, we'll be subjected to three weeks of you performing the soundtrack from the _Sisterhoo__d __o__f __th__e __Travelling __Pant__s_.

**KURT**

I was thinking more _Mysti__c__Pizz__a_, but I'll take what I can get.

(BEAT)

So... where are we going? Gentlemen's Choice?

**BRITTANY**

Is that the new Sharper Image lifestyle store? Do you think they have the Storm Trooper pyjamas?

AS SHE TALKS, SHE CARRIES ON WALKING, UNTIL SHE REALISES SHE'S WALKING ALONE. SHE STOPS, TURNS BACK, FINDS SANTANA AND KURT STARING AT HER, DUMBFOUNDED.

**BRITTANY (cont'd)**

What? Lord Tubbington already has Boba-Fett and he says that the Princess Leia outfit chafes.

**KURT**

Is it weird that in all of that, the thing I find least disturbing, is that you think your cat talks to you?

**SANTANA **

(MUTTERS)

My girlfriend is a _Sta__r__War__s_geek... This can't be happening.

**KURT **

(TO SANTANA)

So, where are we going?

**SANTANA**

Quinn's house.

**KURT**

And then?

**SANTANA**

That's it.

**KURT**

That's it?

**SANTANA**

Are you hard of hearing all of a sudden? That's it. No cheesy male strip clubs, no butch biker chick bars - just us girls and a lot of chocolate and champagne.

**KURT**

Wow. Sounds like a blast.

**SANTANA **

(SWINGS ON HIM)

Now you're complaining? Coz if you feel like channeling your kind's bitchiness, we could just leave you to play Guess My Upchuck with the guys.

**KURT**

(PLASTERS ON A SMILE)

Should I bring anything?

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 1, SCENE 6**

**EXT. WILLIAM MCKINLE YHIGH, BLEACHERS  
**

PUCK, ARTIE, RORY, SAM, MIKE AND BLAINE ARE CHILLING IN THE STANDS OVERLOOKING THE FOOTBALL FIELD. PUCK IS ADDRESSING BLAINE.

**PUCK**

No, you don't bring anything. Just make sure you meet us in the parking lot at 8, and don't tell Finn and Kurt!

**BLAINE**

Why not?

**PUCK**

Because neither one of them will be able to stand up to Rachel. And then we're screwed. And not in a good way.

**ARTIE**

Are we gonna break the _Rule__s __o__f __Behaviour?_

**PUCK**

Yeah. So?

**ARTIE**

Rachel scares me.

**RORY**

Me too.

**SAM**

She's got that rabid chipmunk intensity.

**MIKE**

I can't dance if she chews off my legs.

**PUCK**

I can't believe you guys! You're really gonna let Snouty the Jewish Dwarf stand in the way of throwing Finn a kick-ass bachelor party?

**BLAINE**

So, we're doing this for Finn?

**PUCK**

Hell no! The minute the first stripper gets her top off, he'll probably pass out. Then we can have some real fun.

**ARTIE**

I'm not sure about this...

**PUCK**

Guys! It is our job - nay, our sacred duty - to go out tonight, drink beer and watch hot women get naked! We're not just doing this for ourselves-

**BLAINE**

Or Finn...

**PUCK**

-we're doing this for men everywhere!

**RORY**

Wow. You Americans really have a handle on the art of exaggeration, don'tcha?

**PUCK**

Come on, guys! Are you with me?

**GUYS **

(TEPID)

Yeah...

**PUCK**

I said, are you with me?

THE GUYS JUMP UP AND PUNCH THE AIR.

**GUYS **

YEAH!

**PUCK**

Let's go see some strippers!

THEY CHEER AND WHOOP AND TURN TO CHARGE DOWN THE BLEACHERS, BUT THEY COME UP SHORT WHEN THEY SEE:

**FINN**

What-the-hell?

**PUCK **

Uh...

**FINN**

Strippers?

**PUCK**

Dude, listen...

**FINN**

No! No strippers! Rachel's gonna kill me!

**PUCK**

She's not gonna kill you.

**FINN**

She's been taking Krav Maga to fit into her wedding dress! You know what Krav Maga is? I looked it up on the internet! I don't wanna wear my ass as a hat for the rest of my life!

**PUCK**

God, man, grow a pair!

**GUYS**

Ooooh...

**FINN**

What did you say?

**PUCK**

I said grow a pair! You let her boss you around like she's Paris Hilton and you're the idiot chihuahua in the sweater that rides around in her handbag!

**RORY **

(LEANS IN TO WHISPER TO MIKE)

Are they gonna fight?

**MIKE**

Oh, it's so on.

**FINN**

You know what? I'm sick of this! You're always getting me in trouble, but you're never around long enough to clean up the mess.

**PUCK **

Hey-

**FINN**

No! I'm done with it!

(STARTS SINGING)

_With friends like you... _

**GUYS**

_Who needs friends? _

**FINN**

_With friends like you... _

**GUYS**

_Who needs friends? _

**FINN**

_With friends like you... _

**GUYS**

_Who needs friends?_

FINN STARTS UP THE BLEACHERS. PUCK, SENSING DANGER, STARTS BACKING AWAY. THE GUYS - MINUS ARTIE - TRAIL BOTH OF THEM, SINGING BACK-UP AND WATCHING EAGERLY.

**FINN**

_You know you left the window open,_

_And now the cat is gone._

_And my girlfriend says you're really __sweet,_

_What the hell is goin' on? _

**ARTIE**

Oh, snap!

**PUCK **

(OFFENDED NOW)

Oh yeah?

(SINGS)

_Well you never gave me back my leather __jacket,_

_And now it's out of style._

_And I warned you that that incense burner,_

_Would set my house on fire! _

**GUYS**

_With friends like you! _

**FINN**

_Who needs friends? _

**GUYS**

_With friends like you! _

**PUCK**

_Who needs friends? _

**GUYS**

_With friends like you! _

**FINN**

_Who needs friends?_

BY NOW THEY'RE CHARGING EACH OTHER UP AND DOWN THE BLEACHERS. STUDENTS ARE SCATTERING, GAWPING, TAKING VIDEO WITH THEIR CELLPHONES. THEY'RE REALLY GOING AT EACH OTHER.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_And I'm not gonna beat you up,_

_Or drag you through the mud._

_When the pending file-sharing suit goes __down! _

**GUYS**

_With friends like you! _

**FINN**

_Who needs friends? _

**PUCK**

_You know you left the back door open,_

_And now the dog is gone!_

_And my girlfriend says you're really sweet,_

_What the fuck is goin' on?_

**FINN**

_And you never gave me back my leather __jacket,_

_And now it's outta style._

_I shoulda beat you with your burkenstock_

_When you set my house on fire!_

**GUYS**

_With friends like you!_

**FINN**

_Who needs friends?_

**GUYS**

_With friends like you!_

**PUCK**

_Who needs friends?_

**GUYS**

_With friends like you!_

**FINN**

_Who needs friends?_

MUSIC CUTS OUT WITH PUCK AND FINN RIGHT UP IN EACH OTHER'S FACES. THE FURY'S COMING OFF FINN IN WAVES. PUCK REALISES THIS, AND BACKS AWAY.

**PUCK**

Alright, fine! Fine! You win, Finnessa!

**FINN**

No strippers?

**PUCK**

No strippers.

FINN GIVES A CURT NOD, AND STOMPS OFF. PUCK WATCHES HIM GO, GRINDING HIS TEETH. THE GUYS SIDLE UP TO HIM.

**SAM**

We're still doing it, right?

**PUCK**

Of course.

OY!

**FIRST AD BREAK:**

**.**

**.**


	4. Get The Party Started

**ACT 2, SCENE 7**

**EXT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE**

THAT NIGHT.

RACHEL PULLS UP TO THE KERB IN HER SHOCKING PINK VW BEETLE. THE RADIO'S BLASTING BEYONCE'S 'ALL THE SINGLE LADIES' AND SHE'S HUMMING ALONG.

SHE GETS THE FRIGHT OF HER LIFE WHEN HEADLIGHTS SUDDENLY FILL THE INTERIOR OF THE CAR AND SHE HEARS THE SQUEAL OF BRAKING TYRES.

SHE JUMPS OUT, SWINGS ROUND IN ANGER TO GLARE AT PUCK'S SUV, PARKED REALLY CLOSE IN BEHIND HER. PUCK'S DRIVING, AND RORY, MIKE AND SAM ARE IN THE BACK SEAT. BEHIND THEM,MOVING AT A MORE SEDATE PACE, BLAINE PULLS UP IN HIS LITTLE FORD, WITH ARTIE RIDING SHOTGUN.

RACHEL STOMPS OVER TO PUCK'S WINDOW.

**RACHEL**

What the hell do you think you're doing?

PUCK IGNORES HER, LEANS ON THE HORN, AND CALLS OUT THE WINDOW.

**PUCK**

Finn! Finn, come on! Let's go!

**RACHEL**

Hey! I'm talking to you!

**PUCK**

And I'm not listening. See how this works?

RACHEL ACTUALLY GROWLS AT HIM. FURTHER FIGHTING IS SPARED AS KURT AND FINN COME OUT THE HOUSE AND PROCEED DOWN THE DRIVEWAY.

**RACHEL**

Where are you going anyway?

**SAM**

Pins and Needles.

**RACHEL**

The bowling alley?

**PUCK**

Hey, you've got a boring boyfriend. What do you want from us?

**RACHEL**

Fiance'!

**FINN (O.S.)**

And don't you forget it.

(COMES UP, GIVES RACHEL A KISS)

Hey, sweetie.

**KURT **

(TO RACHEL)

Ready to go?

**RACHEL **

(NODS)

You guys have fun!

**SAM**

But not too much fun, right?

**MIKE**

That would be against _Th__e __Rules!_

**RACHEL**

You guys are spending way too much time with Puckerman.

**FINN**

Call me when you get home, okay?

**RACHEL**

And you call me.

**FINN **

I will.

THEY LEAN IN FOR ANOTHER SLOW KISS, WHEN:

**PUCK**

Oh, for crying out-

HE LEANS ON THE HORN AGAIN, AND RACHEL AND FINN ARE BLARED APART.

WITH ONE LAST CONTEMPTUOUS GLARE AT PUCKERMAN, RACHEL CLIMBS INTO HER CAR, FOLLOWED BY KURT. FINN HOPS INTO THE SUV.

**MIKE**

Alright!

**RORY**

Let's get this party started!

THEY TAKE OFF IN A SQUEAL OF TYRES.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 2, SCENE 8**

**INT. FABRAY RESIDENCE**

QUINN, MERCEDES, SANTANA, BRITTANY, TINA AND SUGAR (ALL IN THEIR PYJAMAS) HAVE SETTLED IN THE LIVING ROOM, GETTING THE PARTY STARTED EARLY. THEY'VE MOVED ALL THE FURNITURE AGAINST THE WALLS, AND PUT A MASS OF PILLOWS AND BLANKETS ON THE FLOOR, TURNING THE ROOM INTO A GIANT MATTRESS, PERFECT FOR LOUNGING. HORS'DEURVES AND FLUTES OF CHAMPAGNE ARE PASSED ROUND. SUGAR TAKES A LONG SIP, THEN HICCUPS.

**SANTANA**

Oh, Sugar...

(SINGS)

_Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee,_

_Lousy with virginity..._

**QUINN**

No, no, no!

**SANTANA**

What?

**QUINN**

I'm placing a blanket moratorium on all

numbers from _Greas__e_!

**SANTANA**

You're no fun.

QUINN SMIRKS. BRITTANY TUGS AT HEM OF HER PYJAMAS.

**BRITTANY**

I love jammies. They're like the Care Bears of clothing.

NOBODY EVEN BLINKS - THAT'S JUST TOO BRITTANY.

**QUINN**

Okay, I got one.

**TINA**

Most embarrassing moment?

**QUINN**

Uh huh.

(DRAMATIC PAUSE)

Once... I walked in on Miss Sylvester in the shower.

**SUGAR**

EEEK!

**MERCEDES**

No!

**SANTANA**

What did you do?

**QUINN**

Truth?

(THE GIRLS ALL NOD, EAGERLY)

At first, I didn't know what to do coz I thought - Hey, there's a guy in the girl's showers!

THE GIRLS JUST ABOUT FALL OVER THEMSELVES CACKLING AT THIS.

**MERCEDES**

So underneath the tracksuits and the temperament of a bulldozer...?

**QUINN**

The body of a fifteen year old boy!

MORE DELIGHTED CACKLING. THE DOORBELL RINGS.

QUINN GETS UP TO GO ANSWER, THE HEM OF HER NIGHTGOWN RIDING UP HER BARE, SILKY SMOOTH LEGS. SANTANA EYES HER WITH BARELY- DISGUISED ADMIRATION.

**SANTANA**

Q, hope you don't mind me saying... but you are _really_ wearing that nightie.

QUINN JUST WINKS AT HER AS SHE LEAVE THE ROOM, AND SANTANA STARTS FANNING HERSELF.

**BRITTANY **

(PUZZLED)

What do you mean? Of course she's really wearing it.

**SANTANA**

Nothing, hon.

SHE GIVES BRITTANY A FOND CHUCK ON THE CHIN.

WE FOLLOW QUINN OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM, DOWN A SMALL HALLWAY, TO THE ENTRANCE HALL. JUST AS SHE GETS THERE, THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN.

**QUINN**

Yeah, yeah...

(OPENS DOOR)

Keep your shirt on.

KURT AND RACHEL ARE STANDING ON THE PORCH. RACHEL FINDS HERSELF, QUITE INVOLUNTARILY, GIVING QUINN A LOOK SIMILAR TO THE ONE SANTANA JUST GAVE HER. KURT'S EYES FLARE.

**KURT**

Well, well... I see attire for the evening is entirely optional.

**QUINN**

Didn't anyone tell you it's a pyjama party?

**KURT**

No.

RACHEL HOLDS UP A SMALL OVERNIGHT BAG TO SHOW SHE GOT THE MESSAGE.

**QUINN**

Come in.

**KURT **

(AS HE AND RACHEL FOLLOW QUINN INSIDE)

What am I going to do now?

**QUINN**

Well, you could always borrow something of mine.

KURT STOPS IN HIS TRACKS. QUINN AND RACHEL TURN TO LOOK AT HIM.

**KURT**

Interesting...

**QUINN **

(LAUGHS)

My bedroom's upstairs. I'll show you in a minute.

SHE SETS OFF AGAIN. THEY FOLLOW.

**RACHEL**

Thanks for playing hostess tonight, Quinn. I really appreciate it.

**QUINN**

Believe it or not, Rachel, it's actually my pleasure.

THEY SHARE A SMALL, PRIVATE SMILE. ONE THAT DOESN'T GO UNNOTICED BY KURT.

THE THREE EMERGE INTO THE LIVING ROOM, WHERE THEY'RE GREETED ENTHUSIASTICALLY BY THE REST OF THE GIRLS.

**BRITTANY**

Kurt, is that what you sleep in? You look like John Travolta before he got fat!

THEY ALL CHECK OUT KURT'S OUTFIT AND, SURE ENOUGH, THE WHITE SLACKS AND FLARED SPORT COAT DO GIVE HIM A TRAVOLTAESQUE LOOK.

**KURT **

No...

(SIGNIFICANT GLANCE AT SANTANA)

Someone didn't tell me this was a pyjama party.

**SANTANA **

(SO SARCASTIC)

Oh, riiiight... I knew I forgot something.

KURT GLARES AT HER, AND SHE MERELY LAUGHS.

**QUINN **

(TAKES HIS HAND)

Come on. We need to make you a little less _Saturda__y __Nigh__t __Feve__r _and a little more _Babysitter'__s __Clu__b_.

**KURT**

Whoa, obscure reference alert.

QUINN JUST TUTS AT HIM AND LEADS HIM OUT OF THE ROOM. RACHEL CALLS AFTER THEM.

**RACHEL**

Where's the bathroom? I need to change too.

**QUINN**

Down that hall, first door on the right.

**SUGAR**

Hurry back so we can get started. I brought games.

**SANTANA**

Games? What are we? Twelve?

**SUGAR**

Games are fun.

**SANTANA**

Games are not fun.

**BRITTANY**

I like games. Remember when we played hide

the banana, and-?

**SANTANA **

(VERY QUICK)

O-kay, so I guess we're playing Sugar's games.

THE OTHERS BURST INTO LAUGHTER. OUT ON PUZZLED BRITTANY:

**BRITTANY **

What?

**CUT TO: **

**.**

**.**

**ACT 2, SCENE 9**

**EXT. DOWNTOWN LIMA, ALLEY**

THE GANG FOLLOW PUCK DOWN A DINGY ALLEYWAY. THEY'RE NOT PARTICULARLY HAPPY - ESPECIALLY:

**FINN**

Forget the fact that I told you I didn't want to do this - it isn't going to work.

**PUCK**

Shut up! It totally will.

**ARTIE**

I don't think so.

**PUCK**

Oh, ye of little faith.

THEY STOP AT THE MOUTH OF AN ADJOINING ALLEY. THIS ONE'S BETTER LIT, BY A HUGE NEON SIGN ABOVE A DOORWAY AT THE FAR END, SCREAMING: 'LIVE, LIVE NUDE GIRLS!'. THE DOOR ITSELF IS GUARDED BY A MASSIVE BOUNCER - THE LITERAL CERBERUS AT THE THRESHOLD.

**BLAINE**

Well, that's encouraging.

**SAM **

What?

**BLAINE**

The girls aren't just live, they're _live _live!

**SAM**

Also, nude.

**MIKE**

Can't place enough emphasis on that.

**PUCK**

Follow me.

HE HEADS OFF DOWN THE ALLEY. THE OTHERS FOLLOW, WITH FINN STILL GRUMBLING.

**FINN**

This isn't going to work.

**PUCK**

Shut up! It'll work!

THEY REACH THE BOUNCER, WHO JUST GLARES DOWN AT THEM. EVEN FINN HAS TO LOOK UP TO HIM.

**BOUNCER **

IDs.

**PUCK**

Hey there... howzit goin'?

**BOUNCER **

IDs.

**PUCK**

Yeah, see that could be a bit of a problem. We just decided to do this last minute, and we don't have ID. But I could

tell you my name.

(HOLDS UP A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL)

It's Ben Franklin.

THE BOUNCER PLUCKS THE MONEY OUT OF HIS HAND. PUCK TURNS TO THE GROUP WITH A TRIUMPHANT GRIN.

**PUCK (cont'd)**

What did I tell ya?

**RORY**

Awesome.

PUCK MAKES TO STEP PAST THE BOUNCER, BUT THE MAN PUTS A HAND THE SIZE OF A DINNER PLATE ON HIS CHEST.

**BOUNCER **

IDs.

**PUCK **

What?

**BOUNCER**

You heard me, Mr. T.

**PUCK**

But... you took my money.

**BOUNCER**

And the Greater Ohio Doorman's Society appreciates the donation.

**BLAINE**

(FROWNING)

G.O.D.S?

**PUCK**

Screw that, bro! If you're not gonna let us in, gimme my money back!

**BOUNCER **

No.

**PUCK**

You think coz you mainline steroids like some muscle junkie you can just do what you want?

**BOUNCER**

That's been my experience so far.

**PUCK**

We can take you, y'know?

THE BOUNCER LOOKS AT EACH OF THEM IN TURN, THEN BURSTS OUT LAUGHING. IT'S DEEP, AND FULL OF... WELL... GLEE. IN THE FACE OF HIS LAUGHTER, A FUMING PUCK LEADS THE GROUP AWAY.

**PUCK (cont'd)**

He's got nuts like raisinettes and he's laughing at us?

**FINN**

Told you it wasn't going to work.

**PUCK **

Shut up!

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**EXT.THE KITTY-KAT KLUB  
**

DIFFERENT CLUB, DIFFERENT BOUNCER. AND A SMIRKING PUCK, HOLDING UP A FIFTY DOLLAR BILL, SAYING:

**PUCK**

'Sup? I'm Ulysses S. Grant.

BOUNCER SHAKES HIS HEAD.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**EXT. THE POLE PALACE  
**

HOLDING UP A TWENTY:

**PUCK**

Andrew Jackson. Nice to meet ya.

BOUNCER SHAKES HIS HEAD, AND:

**CUT TO:**

**EXT.CHAMPAGNE BOOM-BOOM  
**

ANOTHER BOUNCER. THIS TIME, HOLDING UP A TEN.

**PUCK**

Alexander Hamilton?

**SAM**

(POPS UP BESIDE HIM WITH A FIVE)

And I'm his friend, Abe Lincoln.

AGAIN, BOUNCER JUST SHAKES HIS HEAD.

**CUT TO:**

**EXT. THE TITTY TWISTER**

THIS TIME THE ENTIRE GROUP IS ARRAYED IN FRONT OF A MUCH MORE INTERESTED-LOOKING BOUNCER - LIKE A GROUP OF CAROLERS. THE BOUNCER'S DOING A CHIRPY JIG AS THEY SERENADE HIM.

**GROUP**

_Well, I've got a-lovely bunch o' __coconuts..._

**RORY**

_Doodle-e-doo..._

**GROUP**

_There they are a sittin' in a row!_

**FINN**

_Big ones!_

**BLAINE**

_Small ones!_

**PUCK**

_Some as big as your head!_

THEY FINISH WITH JAZZ HANDS. THE BOUNCER APPLAUDS.

**BOUNCER**

Guys, that was really great!

**PUCK**

Awesome. Can we go in?

**BOUNCER**

No.

OUT ON PUCK'S FACE - LOOKING LIKE HE MIGHT JUST KILL SOMEBODY.

**SECOND AD BREAK:**

**.**

**.**


	5. Something Stupid

**ACT 3, SCENE 14**

**INT. FABRAY RESIDENCE**

THE GIRLS HAVE PROGRESSED BEYOND JUST CHAMPAGNE, AND ARE NOW DRINKING SCHNAPPS STRAIGHT OUT THE BOTTLE. SANTANA TAKES A SIP, MAKES TO PASS IT TO KURT, BUT:

**RACHEL**

Hey! Gimme, gimme!

**QUINN**

Easy, tiger. You're well on your way already.

**RACHEL**

So? It's my party and I'll puke if I want to!

TAKES A BIG SLUG OF SCHNAPPS.

**QUINN**

Fair point.

**MERCEDES**

Who's turn is it?

**TINA **

Mine.

**SANTANA **

Go.

**TINA**

Okay, um... Kurt. Truth or dare?

**KURT **

Sigh.

(BEAT)

Truth.

**BRITTANY**

Did you just say sigh?

**TINA**

Have you and Blaine done it yet?

**KURT**

Done what?

**MERCEDES**

Don't pull that crap with us, Sunshine! Have you done it yet?

**KURT **

No.

**MERCEDES **

Liar!

**SUGAR**

Do you want to?

**KURT**

I already answered my question.

**SUGAR**

Oh, come on!

**RACHEL**

Doesn't matter. The answer's obvious. Of course he does.

**KURT**

I'm that transparent?

**RACHEL**

You're in love.

**BRITTANY**

Have you slept with Finn?

**RACHEL**

It's not my turn.

**KURT**

No, it's mine.

(BEAT)

Rachel, truth or dare.

**RACHEL **

Dare.

**KURT**

Gasp! Why don't you wanna answer the question?

**BRITTANY**

(TO SANTANA)

Did you hear that? He said gasp again!

**RACHEL**

I chose dare! And that's my right as a democratically drunk person!

**KURT**

Fine. I dare you to strip to your underwear for the rest of the evening.

**RACHEL **

WHAT?

**KURT**

I'm sorry, Rachel, but your PJs offend me.

RACHEL'S DRESSED IN LONGS: THEY'RE PINK, WITH LITTLE WHITE BUNNIES.

**RACHEL**

And yours offend God and nature!

KURT SMIRKS. HE'S WEARING A TIGHT LITTLE SHORTS AND A HALF-TOP BELONGING TO QUINN, THAT JUST BARELY REACHES HIS MIDRIFF.

**SANTANA**

Come on, you got your dare! Now let us inspect the goods!

TINA'S BUSY DRINKING FROM THE SCHNAPPS, SPILLS SOME WHEN RACHEL GRABS THE BOTTLE OUT OF HER HAND AND DOWNS SOME.

**TINA**

Hey!

**RACHEL **

Okay...

RACHEL STANDS UP, BUT BRITTANY JUMPS TO HER FEET AT THE SAME TIME.

**BRITTANY**

Wait, we need music for this!

**RACHEL**

No, we do not!

**SANTANA**

You said the guys couldn't have strippers. You didn't say anything to us.

BRITTANY GRABS QUINN'S IPOD FROM WHERE IT'S PLUGGED INTO THE STEREO. SHE QUICKLY SCROLLS THROUGH THE SONG SELECTION, AND FINDS SOMETHING SHE LIKES.

**STEREO**

_Ah, dirrty (dirrty)_

_Filthy (filthy)_

_Nasty, you nasty (yeah) _

**SANTANA **

(YELLS)

_Too dirrty to clean my act up!_

**MERCEDES**

_If you ain't dirrty, _

**RACHEL**

_You ain't here to paaaarty!_

**SUGAR**

_Woo!_

AS THE SONG CARRIES ON, MUCH TO THE LAUGHTER AND CHEERING OF THE GIRLS, RACHEL GETS INTO IT, STARTS GYRATING AND GRINDING. KURT DOES THE WHOOP-WHOOP THING.

RACHEL APPROACHES QUINN, HOLDS OUT HER LEGS ONE BY ONE AND LETS QUINN PULL HER BOTTOMS OFF - REVEALING SURPRISINGLY LACY RED UNDERWEAR - SINGING ALL THE WHILE:

**RACHEL**

_Ooh, I'm overdue, gimme some room, comin'_

_through, paid my dues, in the mood,_

_Me and my girls gonna shake the room!_

**GIRLS**

_Yeah!_

**RACHEL**

_DJs spinnin'!_

**TINA**

_Show your hands!_

**RACHEL**

_Let's get dirrty!_

**BRITTANY**

_That's my jam!_

RACHEL SPINS ROUND, SO HER BACK IS TO QUINN. SHE HOLDS HER ARMS OUT, LETS QUINN SLIDE THE TOP OFF - REVEALING A MATCHING BRA, AS SHE SINGS:

**RACHEL**

_I need that, uh, to get me off..._

**QUINN & RACHEL**

_Sweat until my clothes come off._

QUINN AND RACHEL COLLAPSE INTO A SQUEALING HEAP OF LAUGHTER AS SUGAR LEADS THE DELIGHTED APPLAUSE.

**KURT**

Well, that was... something.

**RACHEL**

(CHEEKILY RUNS A FINGER UP QUINN'S LEG)

What can I say? Too much time with Santana and Brittany.

**QUINN**

Yup. Lesbianism's contagious!

**SANTANA**

You're welcome.

KURT CHUCKS A PILLOW AT THEM.

**KURT **

Stop it!

RACHEL AND QUINN JUST LAUGH, BUT SEPARATE.

**MERCEDES**

Okay, who's turn is it?

**SUGAR**

No, no, no! I got another game!

**BRITTANY**

What is it?

SUGAR DIGS A BOX OUT OF HER VOLUMINOUS HANDBAG. IT'S DECORATED WITH LOTS OF LITTLE MUSICAL NOTES.

**SUGAR**

You guys are gonna love it! It's called Duets!

**KURT**

Quinn and Rachel, cut it out!

THEY ALL TURN TO QUINN AND RACHEL WHO, BOTH QUITE DRUNK, ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE BY LINKING THEIR ARMS AND TILTING THE GLASSES BACK IN THE TRADITIONAL LOVERS' TOAST.

**TINA**

You realise that if the guys could see you now, you'd drop every single one of them stone dead!

**MERCEDES**

With smiles on their faces.

**BRITTANY**

I wonder what they're doing?

WELL...

**CUT TO: **

**.**

**.**

**ACT 3, SCENE 15**

**EXT.WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, BLEACHERS  
**

THE GUYS ARE BACK ON THE BLEACHERS. THEY MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN INTO A STRIP CLUB, BUT THEY HAVE MANAGED TO SECURE A COUPLE OF KEGS AND ARE NOW QUITE MELLOW AS THEY SIP THEIR BEERS.

**FINN **

(TO PUCK)

See, dude, this woulda been cool all along. We don't need naked chicks to have a good time.

THE GUYS STARE AT HIM.

**BLAINE**

That's too gay, even for me.

**MIKE**

What are you more nervous about? Nationals, or the wedding?

**FINN **

We got nothing to worry about at Nationals. We're gonna kick ass!

**PUCK**

Unless you screw it up again.

**FINN**

If you want me to regret the kiss in New York, I'm not gonna. I got a wife out of it.

**RORY**

Wait, what happened in New York?

**SAM**

Finn and Rachel did a duet for the final number, and at the end they kinda... lost control.

**FINN**

I kissed her.

**RORY**

In the middle of a performance?

**FINN **

Yeah.

**RORY**

That's... that's so... romantic.

**ARTIE**

Dude, are you crying?

**RORY **

(SNIFF)

No.

**PUCK**

One of these days, I gotta hang out with some dudes.

**FINN**

Oh, I forgot to ask - I really want all you guys to be ushers at the wedding.

**ARTIE**

Serious?

**MIKE**

That would be an honour.

**SAM**

What do ushers do, exactly?

**FINN**

I dunno.

(BEAT)

Ush, I guess.

**PUCK**

You're crazy, you know that?

**FINN**

You don't wanna be an usher?

**PUCK**

No, I mean you're crazy for getting married!

(BEAT)

Think about it... Waking up next to the same woman every-single-day... until you find the sweet release of death.

**FINN**

Thanks for the pick-me-up, buddy. Appreciate it.

**BLAINE **

(TO PUCK)

You never wanna get married?

**PUCK**

Do you?

**BLAINE**

Of course.

**PUCK**

Good luck with that.

**BLAINE**

You must have thought about it.

**PUCK **

Once.

(BEAT)

Maybe.

**SAM**

With who?

**PUCK**

Quinn.

**ARTIE**

Really?

**PUCK**

That day in the hospital when she had Beth...

(LONG, CONTEMPLATIVE PAUSE)

I never saw anything so beautiful as Quinn in that bed holding our baby girl. I never thought I'd ever call a girl perfect, but Quinn... right there in that moment... close to perfect as you get.

**RORY **

(WIPES HIS EYES)

Okay, seriously, you guys have to stop!

THEY GRIN AT HIM.

**MIKE**

Why didn't it work with you guys?

**FINN**

Do _no__t _say me, dude. It wasn't me.

**SAM**

No, you're the reason Quinn and _I _didn't work out.

**PUCK**

Relax, it wasn't you.

(BEAT)

Quinn is-

(BEAT)

I dunno. It's like she's not... finished.

**ARTIE**

What do you mean?

**PUCK**

Like there was always something missing, y'know? I always figured that in any hook-up, I'm gonna be the one who's not all there. But not with Quinn.

(TO SAM AND FINN)

You guys know what I'm talking about?

**SAM **

Yeah.

**FINN**

Kind of.

**SAM**

Like she's going through the motions. Acting the way she thinks a girlfriend's supposed to act.

**MIKE**

Really? That's kinda-

**ARTIE**

Sad.

**PUCK**

(SHRUGS)

Whatever. All I know is she's a great mom, and she's smokin' hot!

(BEAT)

Good enough for me.

**BLAINE**

Okay, this conversation just took a turn for the serious.

FINN SUDDENLY SWAYS TO HIS RIGHT, AND LETS OUT A MIGHTY FART. THE OTHERS BURST OUT LAUGHING.

**BLAINE (cont'd)**

And, now we're back...

PULL BACK TO A LONG-SHOT OF THE STANDS, AS THEY SIP THEIR BEERS, AND TALK INTO THE NIGHT.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 3, SCENE 16**

**INT. FABRAY RESIDENCE**

WE COME IN ON TINA AND KURT IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR DUET. THEY'RE PERCHED PRECARIOUSLY ON THE COUCH, USING A BLANKET TO RECREATE THE MAGIC CARPET RIDE FROM ALADDIN.

**TINA**

_Unbelievable sights, indescribable __feeling._

_Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling,_

_Through an endless diamond sky._

_A whole new world..._

**KURT**

_Don't you dare close your eyes._

**TINA**

_A hundred thousand things to see..._

**KURT**

_Hold your breath, it gets better._

**TINA**

_I'm like a shooting star._

_I've come so far,_

_I can't go back to where I used to be._

**KURT**

_A whole new world..._

**TINA**

_Every turn a surprise..._

**KURT**

_With new horizons to pursue._

**TINA**

_Every moment red-letter._

**KURT & TINA**

_I'll chase them anywhere,_

_There's time to spare,_

_Let me share this whole new world... with __you..._

THE GIRLS APPLAUD. SOME TRY, AND MISS. IT'S CLEAR, THE ALCOHOL HAS NOT STOPPED FLOWING.

**SANTANA**

I love that song!

**BRITTANY**

I tried to rub a lamp to find a genie once. Turns out it was my grandma's funeral urn.

(BEAT)

I thought she was talcum powder.

**SUGAR**

Okay, next up...

(SCRUMMAGES AROUND IN ONE OF QUINN'S UPTURNED BERETS)

It's...

(PRODUCES A PIECE OF PAPER)

Rachel, and...

(PRODUCES ANOTHER)

Quinn!

**QUINN **

(STANDS)

Mercedes, which song?

**RACHEL**

(ALMOST PRAYING)

_Tel__l__Him_, by Barbra and Celine... _Tell __Him_, by Barbra and Celine... _Tel__l__Hi__m_, by Barbra and Celine...

**SUGAR**

I don't think we have that.

**RACHEL**

GASP! You said you had Barbra! That's the only reason I agreed to play!

**BRITTANY**

Now _yo__u_said gasp. Is that, like, a thing now?

**MERCEDES**

You sing whatever song is next on the CD.

MERCEDES PUSHES PLAY. A GENTLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR COMES IN. MERCEDES HITS PAUSE, AS RACHEL GETS TO HER FEET, AND JOINS QUINN IN THE CENTRE OF THE ROOM.

**MERCEDES (cont'd)**

What's that?

**SANTANA**

_Something Stupid._

**MERCEDES**

Sounds like it.

**SANTANA**

That's the name of the song. Robbie Williams.

**SUGAR**

And Nicole Kidman.

**MERCEDES**

Ah... white people music.

**RACHEL**

I beg your pardon, but the original was performed by Frank and Nancy Sinatra.

**TINA**

How can you know that, but barely stand upright?

IT'S TRUE, RACHEL IS SWAYING A BIT.

**RACHEL**

It's not even a proper duet. Both parts sing all the lines.

QUINN, UNCONSCIOUSLY, TAKES RACHEL'S HAND.

**QUINN**

It doesn't matter. Let's just have fun with it.

**RACHEL**

Okay.

MERCEDES HITS PLAY AGAIN. RACHEL AND QUINN FALL INTO A NATURAL, ALMOST INSTINCTIVE CHOREOGRAPHY.

**QUINN & RACHEL**

_I know you stand in line until you think_

_you have the time to spend an evening with __me._

THEY START CIRCLING.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_And if we go someplace to dance, _

_I know __that there's a chance _

_You won't be leaving __with me._

RACHEL PULLS A PUPPY DOG FACE, CAUSING QUINN TO GIGGLE.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_But afterwards we drop into a quiet little_

_place and have a drink or two._

BRITTANY AND SANTANA CHEERS WITH THEIR CHAMPAGNE AT THIS.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_And then I go and spoil it all by saying_

_something stupid like 'I love you...'_

IN THE SAME INSTANT, THE TWO GIRLS TAKE A STEP TOWARD EACH OTHER. THEN ANOTHER, AND ANOTHER...

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_I can see it in your eyes, you still_

_despise the same old lies you heard the __night before._

QUINN HOLDS OUT BOTH HER HANDS. RACHEL HESITATES, THEN, SLOWLY, REACHES UP AND GRABS THEM.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_And though it's just a line to you, for me_

_it's true it never seemed so right before._

STRUCK BY SUDDEN INSPIRATION, QUINN PULLS RACHEL IN CLOSE, AND...

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_I practice everyday to find some clever_

_lines to say to make the meaning come __true._

...STARTS A SLOW DANCE. RACHEL LAUGHS, THROWING HER HEAD BACK, DELIGHTED.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_But then I think I'll wait until the_

_evening gets late and I'm alone with you._

RACHEL'S INTO IT NOW, HER FINGERS GRAZING THE BACK OF QUINN'S NECK - SENDING AN UNEXPECTED SHIVER DOWN THE PRETTY BLONDE'S SPINE. BUT... THIS IS JUST A PERFORMANCE... RIGHT?

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_The time is right, your perfume fills my_

_head, the stars get red, and oh, the __night's so blue._

NOT WHEN THEY'RE LOOKING IN EACH OTHER'S EYES LIKE THAT, IT'S NOT.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_And then I go and spoil it all by saying_

_something stupid like 'I love you...'_

THE MUSIC SWELLS. BY NOW, THE REST OF THE GROUP ARE EXCHANGING STARTLED, QUESTIONING GLANCES, BUT IN THE CENTRE OF IT ALL, QUINN AND RACHEL ARE OBLIVIOUS... IN A LITTLE WORLD OF THEIR OWN.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_The time is right, your perfume fills my_

_head, the stars get red, and oh, the __night's so blue._

THEIR VOICES ARE A PERFECT BLEND NOW. THE OTHERS ARE, AT ONCE, COMPLETELY THROWN BY THE SIGHT OF THEIR FRIENDS DANCING SO CLOSE, AND COMPLETELY SWEPT AWAY BY THE MAGIC OF THE ALTO AND SOPRANO WEAVING TOGETHER LIKE NEVER-WRITTEN PERFECTION.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_And then I go and spoil it all by saying_

_something stupid like 'I love you...'_

THEY STOP. BUT DON'T LET GO.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_I love you..._

IT'S SUDDENLY MAGNETIC.

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

_I love you..._

THEIR EYES FLUTTER CLOSED, AS INSTINCT AND SOME LONG-BURIED, LONG-DENIED DESIRE TAKES OVER...

**QUINN & RACHEL (cont'd)**

(A MELODIC WHISPER NOW)

_I love you..._

AND THEY KISS.

IT'S A STARS-EXPLODING, ANGELS BREAKING INTO CHORUS KIND OF KISS. THE SONG ENDS, AND THE NEXT TRACK BLEEDS IN, BUT NO ONE NOTICES.

QUINN AND RACHEL ARE STILL LOST - CAUGHT ON A DREAM OF FLYING, UNTIL...

**RACHEL**

What?

**QUINN**

What?

THEY BREAK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. STARTLED. BOTH OF THEM BLINKING RAPIDLY - DEER IN THE PROVERBIAL HEADLIGHTS.

EVERYONE ELSE - KURT, MERCEDES, TINA, BRITTANY, SANTANA AND SUGAR - JUST STARE, MOUTHS AGAPE, AT A COMPLETE LOSS FOR WORDS.

RACHEL AND QUINN SPARE THEIR AUDIENCE FLEETING, EMBARRASSED GLANCES, BUT THEN, ALMOST BY FORCE, LOOK AT EACH OTHER AGAIN. THERE'S TRUTH IN THAT LOOK.

IT TERRIFIES THEM.

AFTER ENDLESS EONS, THE SILENCE IS FINALLY BROKEN BY:

**SUGAR**

Uh... I guess you guys win.

**THIRD AD BREAK:**

**.**

**.**


	6. Suspicious Minds

**ACT 4, SCENE 17**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, GIRL'S BATHROOM**

SANTANA, BRITTANY AND THREE OTHER CHEERIOS (TIFFANY, TAWNEE AND KATE) ARE CHECKING THEIR MAKE-UP.

**TIFFANY**

No!

**SANTANA**

Uh huh...

**TAWNEE**

Never!

**BRITTANY**

Yup!

**KATE**

Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray?

**SANTANA**

It's true!

**TIFFANY**

No!

**SANTANA**

Uh huh...

**TAWNEE**

Never!

**BRITTANY**

Yup!

**KATE**

But... how?

**SANTANA**

Well-

SUDDENLY, A THOUGHT OCCURS TO HER AND SHE BREAKS OFF. SHE PIVOTS ROUND, THEN BENDS OVER, QUICKLY CHECKING UNDER THE STALL DOORS. NOTHING. SATISFIED, SHE FACES THE MIRROR AGAIN.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

They were both pretty wasted. We're talking full on Amy Winehouse here.

**BRITTANY**

Do you think if her name wasn't Winehouse, she woulda become a nun, or something?

**SANTANA**

Personally, I think it's been coming.

**TIFFANY**

You do not!

**SANTANA**

Oh yeah. You don't shower that much hatred on somebody for so many years without a little sparkage there to begin with.

**BRITTANY**

Yeah, but you just see the lesbian in everybody.

(BEAT)

Even guys.

**SANTANA**

True. But this time I'm right.

(BEAT)

Because that was, without a doubt, the hottest kiss I've seen on anything that wasn't pay-per-view.

THE CHEERIOS GIGGLE, AND THEY ALL TROOP OUT, STILL GOSSIPING.

**TAWNEE**

So what does this mean? I mean, Rachel's getting married, right?

**KATE**

Gives a new meaning to Maid of Honour, that's for sure.

BUT WE STAY IN THE BATHROOM. AS THE GIRLS EXIT, CAMERA SWINGS DOWN, GOES ROLLING ALONG THE LINE OF STALLS, THEN UNDER THE LAST DOOR AND WE SEE:

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

Oh...

(BEAT)

...my...

(BEAT)

...God!

SITTING ON THE CISTERN WITH HIS FEET ON THE SEAT. HE LOOKS SCANDALIZED AND DELIGHTED IN EQUAL MEASURE.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 4, SCENE 18**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CAFETERIA  
**

WE COME IN ON RACHEL, ON HER OWN AT A TABLE IN THE CORNER. SHE'S UNPACKING HER LUNCH, PRIMLY, WITH EXAGGERATED GESTURES, WAY TOO FOCUSED FOR SO SMALL A TASK. LAUGHTER BREAKS OUT AT A NEARBY TABLE. SHE LOOKS UP, BUT NO ONE'S LOOKING AT HER. THEY ALL APPEAR TO BE FIXATED ON THEIR PHONES. SHE CARRIES ON.

**QUINN (O.S.)**

Hi.

RACHEL LOOKS UP AGAIN, FLUSHES AT THE SIGHT OF QUINN STANDING A LITTLE DISTANCE AWAY.

**RACHEL**

Hi.

**QUINN**

I... um...

(BEAT, HOPELESS)

Hi.

**RACHEL**

Hi.

TENSE, AWKWARD SILENCE, UNTIL QUINN CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, TAKES A SEAT AT AN ADJOINING TABLE, HER BACK TO RACHEL ON PURPOSE.

MORE LAUGHTER, THIS TIME FROM A COUPLE OF NEARBY TABLES. AGAIN, THE STUDENTS HAVE THEIR PHONES OUT, BUT THIS TIME RACHEL IS SURE A FEW ARE STARING.

SHE FROWNS, BUT BEFORE SHE CAN EXAMINE IT FURTHER, FINN HURRIES OVER TO HER.

**FINN**

Hey.

HE GIVES HER A QUICK KISS. QUINN IS WATCHING THEM AS SURREPTITIOUSLY AS POSSIBLE OVER HER SHOULDER.

**RACHEL**

Hey.

**FINN**

So, I went to see the school nurse about that - that thing on my leg, y'know? And she said it's benign! Can you believe that? What am I gonna do?

**RACHEL**

Uh, Finn, benign is a good thing. It means it's not malignant.

(BLANK STARE FROM FINN)

It means it's not gonna hurt you.

**FINN**

Oh.

(BEAT)

Oh, cool.

OVER HIS SHOULDER, RACHEL CATCHES QUINN'S EYE. SHE'S SMILING. RACHEL HAS TO SUPPRESS A GIGGLE. SHE COVERS BY SLOWLY CUTTING HER CUPCAKE INTO LITTLE SLICES.

**FINN (cont'd)**

So... did you have fun last night?

**RACHEL**

What?

RACHEL JERKS HER HAND, AND ACCIDENTALLY SLICES THE SKIN OF HER FINGER.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

Ow!

**FINN**

God! Are you okay?

**RACHEL**

Yeah, I'm fine. I just - ow!

**FINN**

Give it here.

HE TAKES HER HAND, AND GENTLY KISSES THE CUT ON HER FINGER. RACHEL CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE. QUINN HAS TO LOOK AWAY.

**FINN (cont'd)**

Hey, is that a Faberry cupcake?

**RACHEL**

A what?

(BEAT)

I don't think that's a thing.

**FINN**

Oh.

(BEAT)

It's just, on the way here, I heard people talking about Faberry somethings... Figured they were trying something new on the menu.

**RACHEL**

No, I don't think so.

FINN NODS, LETS GO OF HER HAND, AND GRABS A SLICE OF CUPCAKE. HE LEANS BACK IN HIS CHAIR TO EAT IT, NOTICES QUINN FOR THE FIRST TIME.

**FINN**

Hey, Quinn.

**SANTANA (O.S.)**

There you are!

SANTANA IS WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE LUNCHING STUDENTS, FOLLOWED BY BRITTANY, MERCEDES AND KURT. BUT WHILE MERCEDES, KURT AND BRITTANY TAKE A SEAT AT QUINN'S TABLE, SANTANA PERCHES HERSELF ON TOP OF RACHEL'S TABLE.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

(TO RACHEL)

Do you still have those little iPod speakers you're always carrying around?

**RACHEL**

What? Oh, sure...

RACHEL DIGS IN HER BAG, COMES OUT WITH TWO LITTLE ROUND SPEAKERS, THAT LOOK LIKE TINY WEBCAMS. SHE HANDS THEM OVER, AND SANTANA JACKS THEM UP TO HER IPOD.

**SANTANA**

Now, this is just a suggestion, but I think I found the perfect song for the first dance at your wedding.

**FINN**

Yeah?

**SANTANA**

Oh, yeah!

AT MENTION OF THE WEDDING, QUINN LOOKS ROUND AGAIN. RACHEL HAS TO FIGHT NOT TO LOOK AT HER. SANTANA SCROLLS THROUGH HER PLAYLIST, FINDS THE SONG SHE WANTS AND HITS PLAY.

A MOURNFUL SAX CUTS THROUGH THE CHATTER IN THE CAFETERIA. MORE AND MORE STUDENTS ARE STARTING TO LOOK THEIR WAY.

**FINN**

Hey, this sounds familiar...

**SONG**

_I feel so unsure, as I take your hand _

_And __lead you to the dancefloor._

**RACHEL**

Santana, what are you doing?

**SANTANA**

How about I just skip to the good part, hmm?

SHE TAPS THE SCREEN AND THE SONG JUMPS TO:

**SONG**

_No, I'm never gonna dance again,_

_Guilty feet have got no rhythm._

_Though it's easy to pretend,_

_I know you're not a fool..._

OPEN GIGGLING FROM THE STUDENTS NOW. KURT AND MERCEDES LOOK NERVOUS. FINN JUST LOOKS CONFUSED. SANTANA'S KEEPING HER EYES LOCKED ON RACHEL, LIKE A HAWK EYEING A MOUSE.

**QUINN**

(WARNING)

Santana...

**SONG**

_Shoulda known better than to cheat a __friend,_

_Wasted chance that I've been given._

_No, I'm never gonna dance again,_

_The way I danced with you..._

**FINN**

Are you kidding? That's a terrible song for a wedding!

TO HIS SURPRISE, AND CHAGRIN, THIS PROMPTS OPEN, MOCKING LAUGHTER FROM THE STUDENTS.

**KURT**

Santana, that's enough!

**SANTANA**

It was just a suggestion.

**QUINN**

Well, stop it!

**FINN**

Wait! Am I missing something?

**QUINN & RACHEL**

(PERFECT UNISON)

No!

POOR FINN LOOKS EVEN MORE CONFUSED. HE CATCHES A SNATCH OF A STUDENT WHISPERING:

**STUDENT**

...even know... Faberry... totally did it...

**FINN**

There! They're talking about it again.

(JUMPS UP)

Hey!

THE STUDENT, A TINY FRESHMAN, LOOKS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED AT THE SIGHT OF FINN LOOMING OVER HIM.

**FINN (cont'd)**

What are you talking about? What's a Faberry?

**RACHEL**

Finn, sit down! It doesn't matter!

**QUINN**

Yeah, just leave it!

**FINN**

No, I wanna know what's going on.

**QUINN**

(HISSES)

Kurt, talk to your brother.

**KURT**

Uh... um... I...

(BEAT)

Finn, I think we should get our tuxes fitted after school. I know it's still early, but better not to leave it til the last minute, you know? We're gonna be so busy with Nationals, and-

FINN ISN'T EVEN LISTENING. HE'S SNATCHED THE KID'S PHONE OUT OF HIS HAND AND IS NOW PEERING INTENTLY AT THE SCREEN. HE HITS A BUTTON ON THE SIDE, AND THE VOLUME COMES UP, SO WE HEAR:

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL (V.O.)**

_There was a kiss, ladies and gentlemen! __With tongue! That's right… step forward, __those who called it. _

_(BEAT)_

_From this historic day on, we usher in the __time of… Faberry!_

NOW RACHEL AND QUINN CATCH EACH OTHER'S EYE. THEY LOOK ALARMED. FINN JUST DUMPS THE PHONE ON THE TABLE, TURNS TO THE GROUP.

**FINN**

Someone explain this to me.

SUDDENLY, NO ONE'S LAUGHING. NO ONE'S TALKING EITHER. OR LOOKING AT HIM, FOR THAT MATTER.

**FINN (cont'd)**

What kiss?

**QUINN**

It's stupid.

**RACHEL**

It's nothing.

**QUINN**

Just forget it.

FINN IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE TROUBLED.

**FINN**

Kurt?

**KURT**

They're right. It's nothing.

FINN LOOKS AT ALL OF HIS FRIENDS IN TURN, TRYING TO READ THEIR FACES. BUT THEY'RE ALL BLANKING HIM. EACH AND EVERY ONE.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY  
**

POV OF RACHEL FROM INSIDE HER LOCKER. SHE'S PUTTING SOME BOOKS AWAY, HEAD DOWN, TRYING TO BLOCK OUT THE MUTTERING OF THE STUDENTS PASSING BEHIND HER. IT SEEMS EVERYONE'S ON JBI'S BLOG. SHE DOES HER BEST TO IGNORE THE WHISPERS. THEN, ONE DUMB-LOOKING JOCK STOPS BEHIND HER, FLANKED BY HIS BUDDIES.

**JOCK**

Hey, Berry! Congratulations.

RACHEL GIVES AN ALMIGHTY SIGH, CLOSES HER LOCKER, AND TURNS TO FACE HIM, CROSSING HER ARMS OVER HER CHEST.

**RACHEL**

For what?

**JOCK**

Nah, it's just - not many people score the captain of the football team, and the captain of the cheerleaders!

THE GATHERED JOCKS START CACKLING AS THEY HEAD OFF. RACHEL BITES HER LIP, TURNS TO MARCH RESOLUTELY IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. MORE WHISPERS AND POINTING, UNTIL SHE PASSES A DOOR THAT'S SLIGHTLY AJAR. A HAND REACHES OUT, GRABS HER BY THE ARM AND YANKS HER INSIDE.

.

.

**CUT TO:**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY, STORAGE CLOSET**

IT'S COMPLETELY DARK.

**RACHEL**

What the hell?

SUDDENLY, A BLUE BEAM OF LIGHT - FROM THE SCREEN OF A CELLPHONE, ILLUMINATES THE INTERIOR, AND RACHEL SEES A GRIM LOOKING QUINN, IN VERY CLOSE PROXIMITY.

**QUINN**

Sorry about that.

**RACHEL**

Quinn, this is a storage closet.

**QUINN**

I'm aware.

**RACHEL**

Okay, so the obvious joke about us being in the closet-?

**QUINN**

That's what I wanted to talk to you about, okay?

(BEAT)

Did you tell that frizzy-haired dork about what - what happened last night?

**RACHEL**

No! Of course not!

(BEAT)

We already know who did.

**QUINN**

Santana.

**RACHEL**

Guess she couldn't resist.

**QUINN**

Look, I don't know about you, but I was really drunk last night.

**RACHEL**

Me too.

**QUINN**

I just got caught up in the song, that's all.

**RACHEL**

Absolutely.

**QUINN**

It was a one-time stupid thing! It means nothing!

**RACHEL**

Nothing at all!

**QUINN**

Good, so you agree?

**RACHEL**

Totally!

**QUINN**

Good.

**RACHEL**

Good.

SUDDENLY, THE LIGHT ON THE PHONE GOES OUT. ALL WE HEAR IS THEIR BREATHING FOR A FEW VERY LONG SECONDS.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

I should go. I have, um... I have... class.

**QUINN**

Me too.

**RACHEL**

See you in Glee?

**QUINN**

Yeah.

**RACHEL**

You think we should leave separately, or-?

**QUINN**

That's a good idea. You know this school. Any excuse for a rumour...

**RACHEL**

Okay.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY**

RACHEL STEPS OUT OF THE CLOSET, CAREFUL TO CLOSE IT BEHIND HER. SUDDENLY A LITTLE WEAK AT THE KNEES SHE LEANS BACK AGAINST THE DOOR, CLOSES HER EYES.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY, STORAGE CLOSET**

QUINN HAS LIT HER SCREEN AGAIN. WE SEE HER BOW HER HEAD AND CLOSE HER EYES, PRESSING HER FINGERS AGAINST THE WOOD - ALMOST... ALMOST LIKE SHE WANTS TO REACH THROUGH IT.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM **

MR. SCHUSTER'S AT THE WHITE BOARD AS THE GLEE KIDS TROOP IN. THERE'S A MOMENT AT THE DOOR AS QUINN AND RACHEL ALMOST BUMP INTO EACH OTHER, AND THEN GET IN EACH OTHER'S WAY TRYING TO LET THE OTHER GO IN FIRST. THEY GET IT SORTED OUT IN TIME TO HEAR WILL SAY:

**WILL**

Right, guys, Nationals are almost here, so we gotta dig deep. I want proposals!

**BRITTANY**

Mr. Schu, will you marry me?

**WILL**

Not that kind of proposal.

**BRITTANY**

Oh.

**WILL**

A dance number, a mid-tempo and a ballad.

(BEAT)

Now you guys saw what it was like last year. You got a taste of the level of competition we're up against.

(BEAT)

If we're gonna pull this off, we need to knock it out the park. From song selection to performance.

**TINA**

We need a theme.

**MERCEDES**

A theme?

**TINA**

Yeah. Our best performances have been when the songs are kinda... linked, you know?

**BLAINE**

Like Michael Jackson?

**SANTANA**

Or original songs.

**FINN**

Or the Journey.

**TINA**

Exactly.

**WILL**

Tina, that's a great idea.

(TINA BEAMS)

So here's your assignment... develop a theme, and that will help us choose the individual songs.

**PUCK**

Ass kicking!

**TINA**

Excuse me?

**PUCK**

That should be our theme! Nothing but ass kicking songs!

**WILL**

Puck...

**KURT**

What exactly is an ass kicking song?

**PUCK**

_Eye of the Tiger!_

**FINN**

Yes!

**SAM**

Amen!

**KURT**

You're kidding.

**PUCK**

No.

**KURT**

You want the McKinley High Glee Club - a group that's 30% homosexual, by the way-

**SANTANA**

More than that, when you think about it.

RACHEL AND QUINN THROW HER DEATH-GLARES, BUT NOBODY NOTICES, BECAUSE KURT CARRIES ON:

**KURT**

-to perform the theme song from _Ramb__o_?

**ARTIE**

_Rock__y_.

**KURT**

I rest my case.

**WILL**

Okay, okay, it's just the first idea.

**PUCK**

An ass kicking idea!

**WILL**

We'll keep at it.

(BEAT)

Another thing that worked for us was the duet competition. One of the songs at Nationals will be a duo, but I want us to break up the routine.

**KURT**

You mean Finn and Rachel doing a different version of the same song over and over again?

**WILL**

Exactly.

**RACHEL**

Mr. Schu!

**WILL**

Rachel, no one's saying you won't get it, I just want to try some new combinations. This is our third year, we have to be different.

**BLAINE**

Sounds good.

**WILL**

I'm glad you think so, Blaine. You'll be pairing with Mercedes.

**KURT**

Excuse me?

**WILL**

Kurt, you're with Finn.

**FINN**

Mr. Schu, you already tried this once, and it didn't work last time. Plus, we're brothers now, so the creep factor-

**WILL**

It doesn't have to be a love song.

(BEAT)

Now, Quinn...

**FINN**

Well, what kind of song then?

**WILL**

I don't know. Do a Rat Pack number if you want, I just want to see how your voices go together.

(BEAT)

Quinn...

**FINN**

What's a Rat Pack?

**RACHEL**

I'll explain later.

**FINN**

Cool.

**WILL**

Quinn, you and Rachel.

**QUINN**

I beg your pardon?

**WILL**

I know it's a risk...

**RACHEL**

Risk? What do you mean risk? Why risk? What risk?

**FINN**

You okay?

**WILL**

I just mean that most compositions tend to shy away from the alto-soprano combination, but I think if you get it right, it could be amazing.

**RACHEL**

Oh.

**SANTANA**

What did you think he was talking about, Rachel?

RACHEL IGNORES HER. WILL MOVES ON, PAIRING UP THE REST OF THE CLASS, BUT RACHEL AND QUINN ARE BARELY LISTENING. THEY STEAL A SURREPTITIOUS GLANCE, BOTH STRANGELY NERVOUS - AND ELATED - BY THE IMPENDING PARTNERSHIP.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**.**


	7. Undressed Rehearsal

**ACT 4, SCENE 24**

**INT. WILLIA MMCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY/ PARKING LOT**

THE BELL RINGS AND ALL ALONG THE HALL DOORS BURST OPEN AND STUDENTS SPILL OUT, MAKING FOR THE EXIT. RACHEL AND FINN EMERGE. HE'S GOT HIS ARM AROUND HER, BUT RACHEL'S EYES ARE DOWNCAST - SHES IN A VERY PENSIVE MOOD.

**FINN**

What's the matter?

**RACHEL**

What?

**FINN**

You've been in a weird mood since Mr. Schu gave us those assignments.

**RACHEL**

You're imagining things.

**FINN**

Look, I know you and Quinn have a history, but I thought things were better lately. You know, that you've been getting along.

**RACHEL**

We have. I mean, we are...

**FINN**

Then what's the problem?

RACHEL HAS TO PLASTER ON A FAKE SMILE.

**RACHEL**

I'd just rather sing with you.

FINN BUYS IT, GIVES HER A KISS.

**FINN**

Tell you what, how about I take you out tonight? Somewhere that's not Breadstix.

**RACHEL**

Really?

**FINN**

Yeah, there's this Greasy Spoon down by the highway - they got the greatest bacon-cheese burgers with jalapeno poppers.

**RACHEL**

A Greasy Spoon?

BEFORE SHE CAN TELL HIM JUST HOW MUCH SHE THINKS THAT IDEA SUCKS, KURT BARRELS RIGHT IN-BETWEEN THEM.

**KURT**

Finn! I told you to meet me after school!

**FINN**

The bell went, like, twenty seconds ago.

**KURT**

Come on, we have no time to waste if we're gonna beat Mariah and Christina!

**FINN**

Who?

**RACHEL**

Mariah?

**KURT**

Rachel and Quinn!

**FINN**

Okay.

(TO RACHEL)

I'll see you tonight.

**KURT**

No, you won't.

**FINN**

I won't?

**KURT**

We'll be practicing all night. And tomorrow morning, and in-between class until Glee Club.

**FINN**

(AGAIN, TO RACHEL)

Wanna switch partners?

**RACHEL**

Oh, no.

**KURT**

Come on!

KURT GRABS FINN, LITERALLY, BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK AND HAULS HIM OUT THE FRONT DOORS. RACHEL PAUSES IN THE DOORWAY, WATCHING WITH A SMILE AS FINN TRIES TO FIGHT HIM OFF. THEN:

**QUINN (O.S.)**

So, when do you want to hook up?

SHE ALMOST JUMPS OUT HER SKIN WHEN QUINN SPEAKS BEHIND HER. TRYING TO GET HER BREATH BACK, RACHEL TURNS ROUND.

**RACHEL**

I'm sorry?

**QUINN**

To rehearse.

**RACHEL**

Well, looks like I'm free all day, and tonight, so...

**QUINN**

Okay. You want to come to my place?

**RACHEL**

Is your mom still out of town?

**QUINN**

Yes.

**RACHEL**

Then I think the auditorium is fine.

**QUINN**

How are we gonna get in after hours?

**RACHEL**

I have an... arrangement with the janitor.

**QUINN**

What kind of arrangement?

**RACHEL**

Let's just say it involves vocal lessons, a stepladder and a can of whipped cream and leave it at that, okay?

**QUINN**

O-kay...

**RACHEL**

So, I'll meet you there at-?

**QUINN**

It has to be tonight. Shelby's letting me spend the day with Beth.

**RACHEL**

Oh. Oh, okay. Tonight is fine.

**QUINN**

Good.

**RACHEL**

Good.

**QUINN**

So...

**RACHEL**

Yeah. Later.

RACHEL HURRIES OFF. QUINN WATCHES HER GO, HER EXPRESSION INSCRUTABLE. BUT JUST LIKE SHE INTERRUPTED RACHEL'S REVERIE, HERS IS INTERRUPTED BY:

**SANTANA**

Okay, slut, spill!

QUINN JUST GIVES HER A DIRTY LOOK, HUSTLES DOWN THE STAIRS, HEADING FOR THE PARKING LOT. SANTANA FOLLOWS.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

You're not getting away that easily.

**QUINN**

You know, if you've got something to say, why don't you just come right out and say it? Stop with the side-of-your-mouth bitchy remarks, and don't pull a stunt like you did with Finn in the cafeteria.

**SANTANA**

Oh, you want me to lay it out there?

**QUINN**

Yes.

**SANTANA**

You really want that?

**QUINN**

Yes!

SHE STOPS, SWINGS ROUND TO FACE A STEELY SANTANA.

**SANTANA**

Fine.

(BEAT)

How long have you had feelings for Rachel?

QUINN REACTS LIKE SHE'S JUST BEEN SMACKED. SHE LOOKS AROUND, APPEARS TO REALISE FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT THEY'RE IN A CROWDED PARKING LOT, AND PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE. SHE GRABS SANTANA'S HAND, DRAGS HER OVER TO A LITTLE PATCH OF GRASS HOLDING THE FLAGPOLE, DESERTED OF PEOPLE.

**QUINN**

Look, I know what last night must have looked like to you guys-

**SANTANA**

Oh no, I'm not gonna let you play this off as some kind of mistake, okay? Like it didn't really mean anything, and it was just the alcohol-

**QUINN**

It was!

**SANTANA**

Quinn, listen to me. If anybody knows what it's like to lie about who you really are, it's me.

**QUINN**

Santana...

**SANTANA**

Quinn, please...

QUINN STUDIES HER FRIEND'S FACE, AND NOTICES THAT, FOR ONCE, SANTANA IS VERY SERIOUS. AND VERY SINCERE.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

I look back now, and I think... how could I have been such an idiot? Why was I fighting so hard to be miserable? Because that's exactly what I was doing.

(BEAT)

So many wonderful things are happening for you now. You're going to Yale, you're forming a relationship with your daughter...

**QUINN**

Yeah, what's your point?

**SANTANA**

My point is, if you get a chance to have everything you ever wanted - why won't you take it?

THE QUESTION STRIKES DEEP, AND TRUE, AND YOU CAN SEE IT ALL OVER QUINN'S FACE. SO CAN SANTANA.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

So, when did it happen...?

**QUINN**

I...

SANTANA WAITS, BUT QUINN SHAKES HER HEAD, BACKS AWAY, TRYING TO PUT PHYSICAL DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

It's all in your head.

**SANTANA**

Quinn, wait!

**QUINN**

I have to go!

QUINN ACTUALLY FLEES. SANTANA SIGHS.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 4, SCENE 25**

**EXT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE / GARAGE**

BURT'S POKING AROUND UNDER THE HOOD OF HIS TRUCK. THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE OPEN GARAGE DOOR AND HE JUMPS, BUMPING HIS HEAD ON THE HOOD.

**BLAINE**

Oh, God! Mr. Hummel, I'm so sorry!

**BURT**

Blaine!

BLAINE BLANCHES.

**BLAINE**

Yes... sir?

**BURT**

How many times have I told you...?

(BEAT)

Call me Burt.

**BLAINE**

Oh.

(RELIEVED, SMILES)

Oh.

**BURT**

You looking for Kurt?

**BLAINE**

Yes. Is he here?

**BURT**

He-

SUDDENLY, THERE'S A LOUD BANG FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

**BLAINE**

What-?

**FINN (OFF)**

NO! I'M NOT DOING THAT!

**KURT (OFF)**

DO YOU WANT TO WIN THIS THING OR NOT?

**BLAINE**

I take it rehearsals aren't going well.

**KURT (OFF)**

JUST TRY IT ON!

**FINN (OFF)**

I'LL WEAR A TUTU BEFORE I PUT THAT THING

ON!

**BURT**

What gave you that idea?

BLAINE CHUCKLES, HEADS THROUGH THE CONNECTING DOOR TO THE HOUSE. HE PASSES THROUGH THE KITCHEN, IS ABOUT TO CLIMB THE STEPS WHEN THERE'S ANOTHER BANG.

**FINN (OFF)**

Get that thing away from me!

BLAINE HURRIES UP THE STAIRS AND DOWN THE HALL TO FINN'S BEDROOM, CALLING:

**BLAINE**

Kurt! Kurt, what are you doing to him?

HE COMES THROUGH THE DOORWAY, TO FIND FINN ON TOP OF THE BED, CROUCHING IN THE FAR CORNER. AND KURT STANDING OVER HIM, HOLDING:

**BLAINE (cont'd)**

A waistcoat?

**FINN**

Blaine! Thank God you're here! Get him to back off!

**BLAINE**

Finn, what is so bad about a waistcoat?

**FINN**

HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT'S ON IT?

**KURT**

You mean the clowns?

SURE ENOUGH, THE WAISTCOAT HAS LOTS OF LITTLE PICTURES OF CLOWNS.

**BLAINE**

Finn, do you have coulrophobia?

**FINN**

No, I'm just scared of clowns!

**KURT**

Really?

KURT GIGGLES, WAVES THE WAISTCOAT AT FINN, WHO SCREAMS AND TRIES TO SCRATCH HIS WAY UP THE WALL.

**BLAINE**

Kurt! That's mean!

**KURT**

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

(CHUCKS WAISTCOAT UNDER THE BED)

There, it's gone.

FINN SLOWLY OPENS HIS EYES.

**FINN**

You sure?

**BLAINE**

Yes, the big bad clowns are gone.

**KURT**

You mean the tiny happy clowns?

**BLAINE**

Stop it.

FINN MANAGES TO GET TO HIS FEET.

**FINN**

Thanks.

**KURT**

I don't get it. You're the size of a truck. You play football. That means you play a game where 300 pound behemoths hit you in the head for fun. How can you be scared of clowns?

**FINN**

Because!

**KURT**

Wow, great argument. Very erudite.

**FINN**

(A LITTLE MANIC)

You can't tell what they're thinking, alright? You just- you just can't! They got those- those freaky painted smiles! How do you know they're smiling under there? How? Tell me, Kurt! How?

**KURT**

Okay, okay... calm down. Sorry I asked.

**BLAINE**

Have you two even started rehearsing?

**KURT**

Not yet. Before the waistcoat... incident... there was a disagreement about the song and the choreography and the-

**BLAINE**

You guys know you're brothers, right?

**FINN**

Wait, aren't you supposed to be rehearsing right now?

**BLAINE**

We're done.

**KURT**

Already?

**BLAINE**

Mercedes and I picked a song from _Dreamgirl__s_.

**KURT**

So you both already know the words and choreography off by heart.

**BLAINE**

Smart, right?

**KURT**

Then, can you help us? Please?

**FINN**

We really need it, or we're not gonna make it to class tomorrow, nevermind have a chance to win.

**BLAINE**

You want me to direct?

**FINN & KURT**

Yes!

**BLAINE**

I'd love to.

HE'S CHUFFED.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 4, SCENE 26**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, AUDITORIUM **

NIGHT HAS FALLEN ON MCKINLEY HIGH. THE AUDITORIUM IS DARK. THE DOOR OPENS IN BACK AND QUINN ENTERS WITH A MAN IN A JANITOR'S UNIFORM.

**QUINN**

Thanks.

(BEAT)

Rachel will settle with you.

THE JANITOR GIVES A LASCIVIOUS GRIN.

**JANITOR**

I'll switch on some lights for you.

HE EXITS OUT THE BACK. QUINN WALKS DOWN THE DARKENED AISLE, AND AS SHE REACHES THE STAGE, THE LIGHTS COME UP. NOT THE HOUSE LIGHTS, BUT RATHER THE FOOTLIGHTS IN FRONT OF THE STAGE.

QUINN SCOOTS UP ONTO THE STAGE, SO SHE'S SITTING WITH HER LEGS HANGING OFF THE EDGE. SHE TAKES OUT HER CELLPHONE, SEES THERE'S A VOICEMAIL WAITING. SHE CHECKS IT:

**RACHEL (V.O.)**

Hey, Quinn, it's me. Uh, Rachel. It's Rachel.

(BEAT)

I just wanted to let you know I'll be about fifteen minutes late. I have to run an errand for my dads. Honestly, you'd think two grown men would be able to pluck up enough courage to be seen at a make-up counter buying tweezers, but nooo...

(BEAT) Anyway, I'll try to be as quick as possible, and uh... I'll see you there.

QUINN PUTS THE PHONE AWAY, SIGHS, LEANS BACK. SHE STARTS DRUMMING HER FINGERS AGAINST THE WOOD, HUMMING A BIT TO

HERSELF. SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS THE PIANO STAGE RIGHT. SHE FROWNS, APPEARS TO COME TO A DECISION. SHE GETS UP, GOES OVER TO THE PIANO, SITS DOWN HESITANTLY. SHE LIFTS HER HANDS TO THE KEYS, PLAYS A SINGLE NOTE. IT WAFTS IN THE AIR... THEN DIES.

SHE'S STARING AT THE KEYS LIKE THEY HOLD SOME ANSWERS, FEARFUL FOR SOME REASON. THEN SHE TRIES AGAIN. THIS TIME, SHE STARTS PLAYING... AND SINGING.

**QUINN**

_Have you ever fed a lover with just your __hands?_

_Closed your eyes and trusted... just __trusted?_

_Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter __in the air?_

_Have you ever looked fear in the face and __said, 'I just don't care'?_

SHE'S STRUGGLING TO HOLD HER COMPOSURE, AS HER TREMBLING VOICE LENDS WROUGHT EMOTION TO THE SONG. IT'S A SONG FULL OF QUESTIONS. QUESTIONS SHE APPEARS TO BE ASKING HERSELF.

BUT SHE APPEARS TO DRAW SOME STRENGTH FROM... SOMEWHERE. SHE SQUARES HER SHOULDERS AND LAUNCHES INTO THE CHORUS.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_It's only half-past the point of no __return._

_The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the __burn._

_The thunder before the lightning, and the __breath before the phrase._

_Have you ever felt this way?_

SHE'S GETTING LOST IN THE MUSIC NOW. CARRIED AWAY BY THE NOTES AND THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THEY'RE STIRRING INSIDE.

WE CIRCLE HER SLOWLY AS SHE PLAYS, IN THE CENTRE OF THE LIGHTS. BUT THEN WE PUSH OUT INTO THE DARKNESS. UP THE AISLE. TO THE DOORS, WHERE RACHEL HAS ENTERED, UNNOTICED. SHE STANDS THERE, JUST WATCHING QUINN PLAY...

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_Have you ever hated yourself for staring __at the phone?_

_Your whole life waiting on the ring to __prove... you're not alone..._

RACHEL REACTS TO THIS - A CURIOSITY AND A PAIN BORN IN HER EYES. SHE STARTS UNCONSCIOUSLY COMING CLOSER.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_Have you ever been touched so gently you __had to cry...?_

QUINN LOOKS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS OR LAUGHTER OR BOTH.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_Have you ever invited a stranger to come __inside?_

RACHEL IS ALMOST UP TO THE LIGHTS NOW, BUT STILL QUINN DOESN'T NOTICE HER.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_It's only half-past the point of oblivion. _

_The hourglass on the table, the walk __before the run._

_The breath before the kiss, and the fear __before the flames._

_Have you ever felt this way?_

RACHEL STOPS JUST OUTSIDE THE CIRCLE OF LIGHT, UNWILLING TO BREAK THE SPELL.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_There you are sitting in the garden, __clutching my coffee..._

_Calling me sugar..._

(SHE'S BELTING IT NOW)

_You called me sugar...!_

HALFWAY THROUGH THE LAST NOTE, SHE FINALLY SPOTS RACHEL AND BREAKS OFF. RACHEL IMMEDIATELY RUSHES FORWARD.

**RACHEL**

No! Please, don't stop.

(WHEN QUINN JUST STARES AT HER, CAUGHT OUT)

Quinn, please...

QUINN STARTS PLAYING AGAIN. STARTS SINGING AGAIN. RACHEL LEANS ON THE STAGE, RESTS HER CHIN ON HER CROSSED ARMS, AND GETS LOST IN IT.

**QUINN**

_Have you ever wished for an endless night?_

_Lasso the moon and the stars and pull that __rope tight._

_Have you ever held your breath, and asked __yourself,_

_Will it ever get better than tonight?_

_Tonight..._

HER VOICE TRAILS AWAY, CARRIED OFF INTO THE DARKNESS.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 4, SCENE 27**

**EXT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE **

FINN, KURT AND BLAINE HAVE MOVED OUT INTO THE BACKYARD TO PRACTICE THEIR DANCE ROUTINE. THE MORE SPACE THEY GIVE FINN'S EXTRA-LONG ARMS, THE BETTER.

**BLAINE**

And... step, step, turn... step, step, plant the foot, back, and... jazz hands!

KURT AND FINN FOLLOW HIS CHOREOGRAPHY, AND FINISH LIKE THE WORLD'S WORST IDEA OF THE ODD COUPLE. BUT:

**BLAINE (cont'd)**

That's it! We're done!

**FINN**

Hey, thanks Blaine. We appreciate it.

**KURT**

My boyfriend does have a monopoly on wonderful.

KURT GIVES HIM A HUG. FINN TRAMPS UP THE PORCH STEPS AND COLLAPSES ON THE PORCH- SWING. BLAINE AND KURT PERCH ON THE RAILING, WITH THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER.

**FINN**

So... think we have a chance tomorrow?

**BLAINE**

Truth?

**KURT**

Truth.

**BLAINE**

Not a chance in hell, no.

**FINN**

(SIGHS)

You're probably right.

EVEN KURT LAUGHS AT THIS.

**KURT**

Ah, well...

**FINN**

Hey, can I ask you guys something?

**KURT**

Sure.

**FINN**

Did you guys see that video everyone was talking about at school? That weird kid's blog?

BLAINE AND KURT SHARE A WARY LOOK.

**BLAINE**

Uh, yeah, it's- uh...

**KURT**

His usual non-sensical raving.

**FINN**

(TAKES OUT HIS PHONE)

Can you show it to me? I got this new phone, and it's a touch-screen, and I swear they are not made for people with hands as big as mine. I keep hitting the wrong - are they still called buttons?

**KURT**

Why would you even wanna watch it?

**BLAINE**

Yeah, it's really nothing.

**FINN**

I just wanna see for myself.

**KURT**

Trust me, it's a waste of time.

**FINN**

Okay, now you're acting like Rachel.

**KURT**

What?

**FINN**

Insisting that it's nothing, but the whole school's talking about it.

(BEAT)

I know I'm not the smartest guy in most rooms, but I got eyes. I got ears. I know when stuff's going on.

**KURT**

Finn-

**FINN**

What happened last night?

KURT IS SUDDENLY STRUCK DUMB. HE LOOKS A LITTLE DESPERATE.

**FINN (cont'd)**

Kurt...

**KURT**

I really think you should talk to Rachel about that.

**FINN **Why?

(BEAT)

Okay, now I'm freaking out. Did something happen?

**KURT**

Please, just talk to Rachel, okay? Please.

**BLAINE**

Sounds like something did happen.

**KURT**

(ROUNDS ON HIM)

Are you starting too?

**BLAINE**

I'm just saying-

**FINN**

Kurt, if there's something I should know-

**KURT**

Look, honestly... I think it's a big deal being made out of nothing. But it really isn't my place to tell. Please, Rachel's my friend. Don't make me betray her trust.

**FINN**

Okay.

(BEAT)

Okay, I'm sorry.

**KURT**

Thank you.

FINN NODS, STANDS.

**BLAINE**

Are you gonna call her?

**FINN**

No. She's still at the school with Quinn. Rehearsing.

FINN HEADS INSIDE. KURT HEAVES OUT A BREATH, PLANTING HIS HANDS ON HIS KNEES.

**BLAINE**

What is it?

**KURT**

I don't know. I just... I have this feeling that... that I can't shake.

**BLAINE**

A feeling about what?

**KURT**

That everything's about to change.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 4, SCENE 28**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, AUDITORIUM  
**

IT'S OBVIOUS SOME TIME HAS PASSED. SHEETS AND SHEETS OF MUSIC ARE SCATTERED ON THE FLOOR. RACHEL AND QUINN BOTH LOOK EXHAUSTED.

**QUINN**

I feel like we've sung every song ever written.

**RACHEL**

Well, we just have to keep looking. We can't show up tomorrow without a song.

**QUINN**

Why not? Rachel, it's okay to not be perfect for once.

**RACHEL**

The day I let myself believe that, is the day I stop trying.

(BEAT)

And I will never stop trying.

QUINN LAUGHS.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

What? What's so funny?

**QUINN**

No, I'm sorry. You just...

(BEAT)

I don't know how you do that. No matter what's happening to you, you always keep going. You're relentless.

**RACHEL**

Like a bulldozer?

**QUINN**

Sometimes.

(BEAT)

But maybe that's not a bad thing.

**RACHEL**

Well, you're in a majority of one with that opinion.

**Q****UINN**

Do you remember last year? Just before Regionals we were here on this stage - and we were supposed to be working on a song?

**RACHEL**

I remember.

(BEAT)

You told me Finn and I wouldn't end up together.

**QUINN**

And look where we are just a year later.

**RACHEL**

Quinn, I'm really sorry that-

**QUINN**

(WAVES THIS AWAY)

Please, we're not going to dig that up again. It's in the past.

(BEAT)

I'm just trying to point out that when you want something, you go get it. And I think that's amazing.

**RACHEL**

Thank you.

**QUINN**

Are you happy?

THE QUESTION'S SO SUDDEN, RACHEL'S TAKEN ABACK FOR A MOMENT.

**RACHEL**

What?

**QUINN**

Are you happy? The wedding's getting closer. You're leaving for New York in a few months. I just-

(BEAT)

I know what it's like being in a position where your life can look perfect to people on the outside, but, in reality...

RACHEL DOESN'T ANSWER. SHE DOESN'T MEET QUINN'S EYE, EITHER, SUDDENLY TAKING GREAT INTEREST IN THE GRAIN OF THE WOOD MAKING UP THE STAGE.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

I'm sorry. I made you uncomfortable.

**RACHEL**

No, no it's okay. I just...

(BEAT)

How do I answer that?

**QUINN**

Honestly. If you can.

**RACHEL**

(NODS)

Yes, and no.

(BEAT)

When I think about the wedding, I feel like it's... an accomplishment. I know people think my ambition eclipses any good qualities that I might have, but when I think about everything that Finn and I have been through, I...

(BEAT)

It's hard not to feel proud that we made it this far.

**QUINN**

Fair enough.

**RACHEL**

And you? Are you happy?

**QUINN**

Why don't we find a song, shall we?

**RACHEL**

Quinn...

**QUINN**

Please, Rachel, can we just find a song?

RACHEL STARES AT HER FOR A LONG BEAT. THEN SHE NODS.

**RACHEL**

Okay, last ditch effort... I downloaded some instrumentals of popular songs... maybe something will click if we listen to it.

**QUINN**

Sounds good.

RACHEL GETS UP, HEADS OVER TO THE SMALL SOUND STAGE IN THE WINGS. SHE PLUGS IN HER IPOD, AND HITS PLAY.

MUSIC STARTS.

SHE HITS STOP. QUINN LOOKS UP AT HER. RACHEL DOESN'T TURN AROUND, BUT SPEAKS WITH HER BACK TURNED.

**RACHEL**

You're not happy.

**QUINN**

What?

**RACHEL**

You're not happy.

LONG SILENCE.

**QUINN**

How would you know?

ONLY NOW DOES RACHEL TURN AROUND.

**RACHEL**

Because we've both been running a race that wasn't a race to begin with. And it's only now that we're coming to the end that we're starting to realise that.

(BEAT)

I mean, look at me. You ask me if I'm happy, and I describe my wedding to Finn as if I won something! What did I win?

QUINN NODS, TAKING THIS IN.

**QUINN**

You're right. I'm not happy. God, it feels like the past three years have been one screw-up after another, and it has nothing to do with pregnancies, and break-ups and dying my freakin' hair, it's...

(BEAT)

It's the fact that I've been trying to fit into this idea of who I should be. Who I want me to be. Instead of-

**RACHEL**

-just being who you are.

**QUINN**

Right.

AGAIN WITH THE HEAVY SILENCE. THIS TIME, IT'S TOO MUCH, AND RACHEL TURNS BACK TO THE SOUND STATION AND HITS PLAY.

AS THE INTRO PLAYS, RACHEL COMES TO SIT BESIDE QUINN. THEY'RE CLOSE, BUT NOT TOUCHING. THEY JUST STAY THERE - IN THE SPOTLIGHT BOTH WERE BORN TO BE IN, AND THEY JUST SING...

**RACHEL**

_The best thing about tonight's that we're __not fighting._

_Could it be that we have been this way __before?_

**QUINN**

_I know you don't think that I am trying._

_I know you're wearing thin down to the __core._

**RACHEL**

_But hold your breath..._

**QUINN**

_Because tonight will be the night that I __will fall for you..._

_Over again, don't make me change my mind._

_I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true._

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find._

_You're impossible to find._

NO DRAMATICS THIS TIME. NO CHOREOGRAPHY. IT'S ALL IN THEIR EYES AND THE MUSIC.

**RACHEL**

_This is not what I intended._

_I always swore to you I'd never fall __apart._

**QUINN**

_You always thought that I was stronger,_

_I may have failed, but I have loved you __from the start._

_Oh, but hold your breath._

**RACHEL**

_Because tonight will be the night that I __will fall for you..._

_Over again, don't make me change my mind._

_I won't live to see another day, I swear __it's true._

_Because a girl like you is impossible to __find._

_You're impossible to find._

**QUINN**

Am I imagining this?

**RACHEL**

What?

THE MUSIC KEEPS PLAYING, BUT THEY'RE NOT LISTENING ANYMORE.

**QUINN**

You know what I'm talking about.

**RACHEL**

I have to go.

SHE SURGES TO HER FEET, ALMOST LEAPS OFF THE STAGE.

**QUINN**

Rachel!

**RACHEL**

I'm sorry! I-

SHE'S ALREADY HALFWAY UP THE AISLE. QUINN MAKES TO STAND, BUT THEN CHANGES HER MIND. AND JUST LETS HER GO.

**FOURTH COMMERCIAL BREAK**

**.**

**.**


	8. This Road's End

**ACT 5, SCENE 29**

**EXT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, PARKING LOT **

RACHEL HAS JUST PULLED UP. IT'S OBVIOUS SHE PARKS IN THE SAME SPOT EVERY DAY, BECAUSE FINN'S ALREADY THERE WAITING FOR HER.

**RACHEL**

Hey.

**FINN**

You didn't call me when you got home last night.

**RACHEL**

It was late.

**FINN**

I was up.

**RACHEL**

I was tired.

**FINN**

Okay.

HE FALLS INTO STEP BESIDE HER.

**RACHEL**

You were waiting just to walk me to class?

**FINN**

No.

**RACHEL**

Then, what?

**FINN**

Are you gonna tell me what happened at the bachelorette party?

RACHEL STOPS. FINN CARRIES ON A FEW STEPS, THEN TURNS BACK TO LOOK AT HER.

**FINN (cont'd)**

I know something happened, Rachel.

(BEAT)

Something. Not nothing.

(RACHEL BOWS HER HEAD)

Please... just tell me.

**RACHEL**

Okay. Okay...

(BEAT)

I kissed Quinn.

**FINN**

Excuse me?

**RACHEL**

I kissed Quinn.

**FINN**

You-

(BEAT, CONFUSED)

Wait, what?

**RACHEL**

We were drunk, okay? And we were playing this game, and-

(BEAT)

And I didn't wanna tell you because I didn't want you to get worked up over nothing.

**FINN**

Wait, so it was like one of those drinking games where girls in their underwear dare each other to like strip and kiss - like on Casa Erotica?

**RACHEL**

You watch Casa Erotica?

**FINN**

Uh...

(BEAT)

I...

(BEAT)

Burt musta had it before he married my mom, and I think he forgot to cancel the subscription. I've seen like five minutes. Tops! Total!

RACHEL ALMOST WANTS TO LAUGH. ALMOST.

**FINN (cont'd)**

I don't know why you thought that would upset me.

**RACHEL**

It doesn't?

**FINN**

No! It's _hot!_

**RACHEL**

Finn...

**FINN**

I'm serious. If you guys ever wanna do it again, for like... a visual demonstration, I'd be totally okay with that.

**RACHEL**

Oh, you would?

**FINN**

Absolutely.

THIS TIME SHE DOES LAUGH. HE PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER.

**FINN (cont'd)**

Come on, I'll walk you to class.

**RACHEL**

So you _wer__e _waiting for me?

**FINN**

All my life.

THEY HEAD INTO THE SCHOOL.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 5, SCENE 30**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, LIBRARY  
**

QUINN HAS TAKEN REFUGE IN THE BACK OF THE LIBRARY. SHE'S ON ONE OF THE PLUSH LITTLE ARMCHAIRS, HER SNEAKERED FEET UP ON THE SEAT, WITH A NOTEBOOK RESTING ON HER LAP. SHE'S DOODLING, BUT NOT EVEN REALLY LOOKING AT THE PAGE. SHE BARELY NOTICES WHEN SANTANA SITS DOWN ACROSS FROM HER.

**SANTANA**

Hey slut.

**QUINN**

What's up, big homo?

SANTANA GRINS.

**SANTANA**

You ready for Glee today?

**QUINN**

Just say it, Santana.

**SANTANA**

Say what?

**QUINN**

I know you're not done with whatever rant you started yesterday, so just... get it over with.

**SANTANA**

I was just trying to get you to be honest with yourself.

QUINN SNORTS. SANTANA ROLLS HER EYES.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

You don't believe me?

**QUINN**

Have you ever given me a reason to believe you?

**SANTANA**

Guess not.

**QUINN**

There you go.

**SANTANA**

But it's the truth.

**QUINN**

Please! To do that, you'd actually have to give a damn about me, and I know for a fact that you don't.

**SANTANA**

What are you talking about?

**QUINN**

It's the truth, Santana. You don't care! You're just bored and stirring up some imaginary tryst between me and Rachel will relieve your boredom. At least for a little while.

**SANTANA**

Maybe the old Santana would have done that, but-

**QUINN**

The _ol__d _Santana? I'm sorry, but since when is there a beta version?

**SANTANA**

Since Brittany.

(BEAT, WHEN QUINN ROLLS HER EYES)

The biggest change I made this year isn't coming out of the closet. It's finding out that there's someone out there I care about more than me.

(BEAT)

Someone I'd jump in front of a bus for.

**QUINN**

And I'm happy for you. That's great. It really is, but-

**SANTANA**

Don't tell me you haven't noticed the same thing happening with you and Rachel.

**QUINN**

You're imagining things.

**SANTANA**

Am I? Who was the first person you told about Yale?

**QUINN**

Yeah, but that's because-

**SANTANA**

And everytime Rachel has a problem, who does she run to? You... or Finn?

**QUINN**

You're making all these giant leaps, and I know you think it's all connected, but you're just... wrong.

**SANTANA**

Really?

**QUINN**

Yes.

**SANTANA**

Really?

**QUINN**

YES!

**SANTANA**

Okay.

(STANDS)

I'm looking forward to your song.

SANTANA TURNS TO GO, BUT THEN SEEMS TO REMEMBER SOMETHING AND TURNS BACK.

**SANTANA (cont'd)**

Oh... and I love the art.

SHE LEAVES. QUINN FROWNS, THEN LOOKS DOWN AT THE NOTEPAD. SHE DROPS THE PEN IN SHOCK. COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS, SHE'S DRAWN THE NAME _'RACHEL__'_OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 5, SCENE 31**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM **

GLEE IS IN SESSION, AND FINN AND KURT ARE PERFORMING.

**FINN**

_Yes, the lady..._

**KURT**

_The lady, the lady..._

**FINN**

_Yes, the lady..._

**KURT**

_The lady, the lady..._

**FINN & KURT**

_Is a tramp!_

STEP, STEP, AND...

**FINN**

Jazz hands!

CALLING THE RESULTING APPLAUSE LUKEWARM WOULD BE A MASSIVE OVERSTATEMENT.

**KURT**

Finn!

**FINN**

What?

**KURT**

You're not supposed to _sa__y _jazz hands!

**FINN**

Why not?

(BEAT)

It's the one dance move I can do properly.

**WILL**

Okay, thank you Finn and Kurt.

(BEAT)

That was great.

**MIKE**

Please don't lie to them, Mr. Schu. For their own sake.

DEJECTED FINN AND KURT TAKE THEIR SEATS.

**WILL**

Okay, last - but I'm hoping not least... Rachel and Quinn! Come on up, guys.

RACHEL AND QUINN SHARE A NERVOUS LOOK, DON'T MOVE.

**WILL (cont'd)**

What's wrong?

**RACHEL**

Uh, Mr. Schu... I'm sorry, but we don't have a song.

**WILL**

Why not?

**FINN**

You guys were rehearsing all night.

**QUINN**

Yeah, but we couldn't find one that felt right.

**RACHEL**

We went through everything, from the Broadway catalogue to 90's bubblegum pop!

(BEAT)

I'm sorry, Mr. Schu, but your experiment failed. Maybe there's a reason sopranos and altos aren't paired together.

**QUINN**

They don't work.

(BEAT)

As a pairing.

SANTANA REACTS TO THIS, THROWING QUINN A SHARP GLANCE. QUINN PURPOSELY KEEPS HER EYES AWAY FROM HER.

**WILL**

Well, that's disappointing.

(BEAT)

But there's still five minutes left, so... do you want to sing something else?

**RACHEL**

I'm sorry?

**WILL**

If you don't want to then, well... I'm pretty sure the world's coming to an end if you're not up for a solo.

**RACHEL**

No, of course, I'm-

RACHEL GET TO HER FEET, BUT SHE LOOKS LOST AND HESITANT.

**WILL**

What are you going to sing?

**RACHEL**

I'm not sure.

SHE HEADS OVER TO THE PIANO, HOLDS A HURRIED, WHISPERED CONVERSATION WITH THE PIANO PLAYER.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

Okay?

(BEAT, WHEN HE NODS)

Great.

STILL LOOKING NERVOUS AND JITTERY, RACHEL GETS A STOOL, PERCHES ON TOP OF IT. SHE FOLDS HER HANDS IN HER LAP, DOESN'T SEEM TO KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. THE PIANO PLAYER DANCES HIS FINGERS ACROSS THE KEYS. RACHEL CLOSES HER EYES.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_There's a song that's inside of my soul._

_It's the one that I've tried to write over __and over again._

_I'm awake in the infinite cold._

_But you sing to me over and over again._

WE DRIFT THROUGH THE CLASS, NOTING THE EFFECT THIS BEAUTIFULLY UNDERSTATED SONG HAS ON THE CLASS. MIKE AND TINA HOLD HANDS. BRITTANY LAYS HER HEAD ON SANTANA'S SHOULDER. KURT AND BLAINE CAN'T STOP SMILING.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_So I lay my head back down,_

_And I lift my hands and pray..._

_To be only yours, I pray..._

_To be only yours, I know now..._

_You're my only hope._

FINN IS SITTING DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF RACHEL. SHE'S LOOKING AT HIM - AT THE QUIRKY, DORKY SMILE ON HIS FACE - BUT, RIGHT BEHIND HIM... IS QUINN.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_Sing to me the song of the stars._

_Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and __laughing again._

_When it feels like my dreams are so far._

_Sing to me of the plans that you have for __me over again._

AND THAT'S WHERE HER EYES KEEP GOING, AND EVENTUALLY COME TO REST AS, LIKE ALWAYS, SHE GETS SWEPT UP IN THE MUSIC.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_So I lay my head back down,_

_And I lift my hands and pray..._

_To be only yours, I pray..._

_To be only yours, I know now..._

_You're my only hope._

AND FINN CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE. THAT DORKY SMILE DIES ON HIS FACE, REPLACED BY A WORRIED FROWN. HE TURNS HIS HEAD AND LOOKS RIGHT AT QUINN, AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE. HER EYES, DROWNING IN UNSHED TEARS, ARE LOCKED ON RACHEL.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_I give you my destiny._

_I'm giving you all of me._

_I want your symphony._

_Singing in all that I am._

_At the top of my lungs._

_I'm giving it all!_

NOW EVERYONE'S NOTICED. IT'S HARD TO HIDE EMOTION IN GLEE CLUB. IT'S PURPOSE IS THE OPPOSITE. QUINN AND RACHEL HAVE LOWERED THEIR GUARD FOR THE BRIEFEST OF MOMENTS, AND NOW...

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_So I lay my head back down,_

_And I lift my hands and pray..._

_To be only yours, I pray..._

_To be only yours, I pray..._

_To be only yours, I know now..._

_You're my only hope._

A SINGLE TEAR LEAKS OUT THE CORNER OF RACHEL'S EYE. BUT SHE BLINKS IT BACK AS SHE NOTICES THE STUNNED LOOKS ON HER FRIENDS' FACES. SHE OPENS HER MOUTH TO SPEAK, LOOKS TO MR. SCHU, BUT HE LOOKS EQUALLY SHOCKED. SHE LOOKS AT FINN. THERE'S JUST HURT ON HIS FACE.

THE BELL RINGS. IT MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN A STARTER PISTOL. RACHEL SHOOTS OFF THE CHAIR, AND DASHES OUT INTO THE HALL BEFORE ANYONE CAN FOLLOW.

FINN TURNS TO QUINN, AND THIS TIME SHE DOES MEET HIS GAZE. HE HASN'T LOOKED AT HER WITH SO MUCH ANGER IN A LONG, LONG TIME.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 5, SCENE 32**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, AUDITORIUM  
**

RACHEL'S IN A DARK PLACE - LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY, I GUESS. SHE APPEARS TO HAVE HER ARMS FLUNG OVER A THIN BAR OF SOME KIND, WE PULL BACK, AND SEE HER LEGS DANGLING DOWN IN FRONT OF HER. PULL FURTHER BACK, AND WE SEE THAT SHE'S SITTING ON ONE OF THE EAVES, UP IN THE WINGS OF THE STAGE.

SHE JERKS WHEN SHE HEARS FOOTSTEPS ON THE BOARDS. SHE LOOKS DOWN, AS FINN APPEARS IN THE DIM LIGHT ON THE STAGE, LOOKING RIGHT UP AT HER. IT'S ALMOST THE BALCONY SCENE FROM ROMEO AND JULIET. BUT NOT QUITE.

**RACHEL**

How'd you find me?

**FINN**

You were upset. You needed to go somewhere you feel safe.

(BEAT)

I know everything about you, Rachel. Or, I thought I did.

**RACHEL**

There's nothing going on.

**FINN**

Don't-

**RACHEL**

(SCREECHES)

_There's nothing going on!_

FINN JUST STARES AT HER. RACHEL'S FIGHTING TEARS.

**FINN**

Clearly.

**RACHEL**

This isn't funny.

**FINN**

I'm not laughing.

NO. HE ISN'T.

**RACHEL**

It's just stress.

**FINN**

Stress?

**RACHEL**

Yes! My whole life's gonna change in a couple of months! Moving to New York! There's the wedding! There's just a lot going on, and I'm just feeling... muddled, okay? Confused!

**FINN**

I'm sorry, Rachel, but the idea of my _confuse__d _fiancee'...

**RACHEL**

I'll be fine.

**FINN**

Will you? Really?

**RACHEL**

Yes. I love you.

**FINN**

I love you too, but...

**RACHEL**

But?

FINN SIGHS, THRUSTS HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS, STARTS TO WALK AWAY.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

Finn! What do you mean? But what?

CLOSE ON FINN'S FACE. WE CAN SEE RACHEL OVER HIS SHOULDER, HIGH IN THE STAGE HEAVENS.

**FINN**

_I know there's something on your mind,_

_That distant look is in your eyes,_

_I thought with time you'd realise,_

_It's over... over..._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, SPANISH CLASS  
**

THE CLASS IS TRYING NOT TO FALL ASLEEP AS MR. SCHU TRIES - AND FAILS - TO CONJUGATE VERBS. UP FRONT, RACHEL AND QUINN SIT ACROSS THE AISLE FROM EACH OTHER. FINN IS IN THE BACK, JUST WATCHING THEM. FOR ANY LITTLE SIGN...

**FINN**

_It's not the way I choose to live,_

_And something somewhere's got to give,_

_A share in this relationship,_

_Gets older... older..._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE  
**

FINN IS IN BED, ON TOP OF THE COVERS, PROPPED UP AGAINST THE HEADBOARD BY A MASS OF PILLOWS. HE HAS HIS HANDS IN HIS LAP, SEEMINGLY AT EASE, EXCEPT FOR THE STRAINON HIS FACE.

HE'S WATCHING RACHEL, WHO SITS AT THE VANITY MIRROR, COMBING HER HAIR. SHE SPOTS HIM IN THE REFLECTIVE GLASS, GIVES HIM A SMILE, BUT HE JUST SINGS...

**FINN**

_You know I'd fight for you,_

_But how can I fight someone who isn't even __there?_

_I've had the rest of you, now I want the __best of you,_

_I don't care if that's not fair._

AND AS THE MUSIC SWELLS, WE

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM **

FINN HAS PUCK, ARTIE, MIKE, SAM AND RORY BEHIND HIM AS BACK-UP VOCALS - AS HE PUTS ON A PERFORMANCE THAT WRENCHES THE HEART FROM THOSE WATCHING.

**FINN**

_Coz I want it all, or nothing at all._

_There's nowhere left to fall,_

_When you reach the bottom it's now or __never._

_Is it all, or are we just friends?_

_Is this how it ends, with a simple __telephone call?_

_You leave me here, with nothing at all..._

SEVERAL OF THE GIRLS ARE ABOUT TO CRY. FOR RACHEL AND QUINN, IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE  
**

WE'RE BACK IN THE BEDROOM. RACHEL PUTS THE BRUSH DOWN, AND CLIMBS INTO BED BESIDE FINN. STILL SINGING, HE PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER AS SHE DRIFTS OFF TO SLEEP.

**FINN**

_There are times it seems to me,_

_I'm sharing you with memories._

_I feel it in my heart,_

_But I don't show it... show it..._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. CHAPEL **

RACHEL AND FINN STAND BEFORE THEIR FRIENDS, FAMILY, GOD AND EVERYBODY - A MINISTER BETWEEN THEM - HOLDING HANDS. SHE'S IN A STUNNING WEDDING DRESS, AND HE LOOKS SO GOOFY JAMES BOND IN HIS TUX.

**FINN**

_And then there's times you look at me,_

_As though I'm all that you can see._

_Those times I don't believe it's right,_

_I know it... know it..._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM  
**

BACK IN FRONT OF THE CLASS AGAIN.

**FINN**

_Don't make me promises,_

_Baby, you never did know how to keep them __well._

_I've had the rest of you, now I want the __best of you,_

_It's time to show and tell._

ON THAT LAST LINE HE TAKES AN AGGRESSIVE, ALMOST THREATENING STEP TOWARDS RACHEL. INSTINCTIVELY, SHE FLINCHES. JUST AS INSTINCTIVELY, QUINN, SITTING BEHIND HER, PUTS A HAND ON HER SHOULDER. FINN SEES THIS, AND STEPS BACK.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_Coz I want it all, or nothing at all._

_There's nowhere left to fall,_

_When you reach the bottom it's now or __never._

_Is it all, or are we just friends?_

_Is this how it ends, with a simple __telephone call?_

_You leave me here, with nothing at all..._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, AUDITORIUM  
**

BACK TO WHERE IT STARTED. FINN STOPS AT THE EDGE OF THE STAGE, TURNS BACK TO LOOK UP AT RACHEL.

**FINN**

_Coz you and I..._

_Could lose it all if you've got no more __room,_

_No room inside,_

_For me in your life..._

**CUT TO:**

.

.

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM**

THE BIG FINISH

**FINN**

_Coz I want it all, or nothing at all._

_There's nowhere left to fall,_

_When you reach the bottom it's now or never._

_Is it all, or are we just friends?_

_Is this how it ends, with a simple telephone call?_

_You leave me here, with nothing at all..._

THE CLASS APPLAUDS. BUT REALLY, THERE ARE ONLY THREE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM. AND NONE OF THEM ARE HAPPY.

**FIFTH COMMERCIAL BREAK:**

**.**

**.**


	9. Taking Chances

**ACT 6, SCENE 41**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM**

A FEW MINUTES HAVE PASSED, AND CLASS IS OVER. THE KIDS STRAGGLE OUT, ALL WIDE-EYED AND BUBBLY WITH THE ENORMITY OF WHAT THEY'VE JUST SEEN.

**TINA**

Can you believe that?

**SANTANA**

Tres' awkward!

**BRITTANY**

Who's Trey?

**RORY**

Did that just happen?

EVENTUALLY, EVERYONE'S GONE, EXCEPT FOR FINN, RACHEL AND QUINN, WHO ARE STILL IN THEIR SEATS. FINN HAS PURPOSELY SAT HIMSELF ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CLASS FROM THE TWO GIRLS. IT'S LIKE THEY'RE ALL SCARED TO MOVE. EVENTUALLY, QUINN GETS TO HER FEET. SHE APPROACHES FINN, BUT:

**FINN**

Just keep walking.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO ARGUE, STEALS A GLANCE AT RACHEL, BUT THEN SHE JUST NODS, AND LEAVES. FINN AND RACHEL ARE LEFT ALONE. THE ATMOSPHERE BETWEEN THEM IS CHARGED AND HEAVY.

**RACHEL**

How could you do that to me?

(WHEN FINN DOESN'T RESPOND)

Did you think it would be funny?

(WHEN HE STILL DOESN'T RESPOND)

Oh, how ironic! Rachel Berry got dumped with a song by a one-hit wonder!

**FINN**

I didn't do this! You did!

**RACHEL**

Me?

**FINN**

Do you know how it felt watching you sing that song to Quinn? Do you have any idea?

(BEAT)

The whole school's walking around laughing at me behind my back!

BY NOW THEY'RE BOTH ON THEIR FEET. ANGER BOILS BETWEEN THEM.

**RACHEL**

Well, you can go back to being their Neanderthal football god now that you're not tied to the geek from Glee anymore!

**FINN**

Don't you dare be angry at me! Don't you dare!

(STABBING A FINGER IN HER FACE)

You fell in love with someone else! You did this!

**RACHEL**

I didn't fall in love with anybody!

**FINN**

God! Blind and stupid! Sure they're gonna love that in New York!

HE TURNS ON HIS HEEL AND STALKS OUT.

**RACHEL**

Fine! Go! GO!

(BEAT)

_Coward!_

ONCE HE'S GONE HER ANGER FADES. AND THE MASK CRACKS. AND THE TEARS COME FREELY.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 6, SCENE 42**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY **

WE FOLLOW QUINN AS SHE ENTERS THE SCHOOL, AND PROCEEDS DOWN THE HALLWAY. ALL THE WHILE:

**QUINN (V.O.)**

What a disaster!

(BEAT)

It's all anybody can talk about. This school makes such a big deal about what bottom-feeding losers us Glee kids are, but they're take an absurd amount of interest in our lives.

SHE PASSES JACOB BEN ISRAEL, COMPLETE WITH NEW CAMERAMAN AND MICROPHONE, OBVIOUSLY DOING A FOLLOW-UP REPORT (THOUGH WE DON'T HEAR IT).

**QUINN (V.O.) (cont'd)**

And for what? Stupid rumours and innuendo? Rachel and I never even did anything!

(BEAT)

Of course, you can't tell Finn that...

WE SWITCH TO QUINN'S POV, AND SPOT FINN COMING DOWN THE HALLWAY TOWARDS HER. BEFORE SHE EVEN GETS A CHANCE TO SPEAK, HE TURNS RIGHT AROUND AND STALKS OFF.

**QUINN (V.O.) (cont'd)**

And they say Rachel's the drama queen!

SHE TURNS A CORNER, AND SPOTS SAM, MERCEDES, ARTIE AND TINA HANGING OUT BY RORY'S LOCKER. WHEN THEY SEE QUINN COMING, THEY ALL TROOP AWAY TOO.

**QUINN (V.O.) (cont'd)**

That's the worst part. The kids in the club - people I thought were my family - are now treating me like a pariah too. Like I set out to dethrone their royal couple! I swear, it would be less of a stigma if I shot William and Kate!

HEAD BOWED NOW, QUINN CARRIES ON. AGAIN, WE SWITCH POV.

THIS TIME, A HAND, HOLDING A SLUSHIE, MAKING IT'S WAY TOWARDS HER. IT GETS CLOSER AND CLOSER... SHE LOOKS UP AT THE LAST SECOND, AND:

**PUCK**

Here. Thought you might be thirsty.

QUINN LOOKS WARY, BUT ACCEPTS THE DRINK.

**QUINN**

Thanks.

PUCK FALLS INTO STEP BESIDE HER.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

So, you don't hate me too?

**PUCK**

For what? Have you and Berry even done anything? Did you go behind Finn's back?

**QUINN**

No.

**PUCK**

That's what I figured. You wouldn't do that again.

**QUINN**

Thanks for reminding me.

**PUCK**

No problem.

**QUINN**

You know what they're calling me, right?

**PUCK**

Yeah.

(BEAT)

My favourite is queerleader.

QUINN PULLS A FACE.

**QUINN**

This reflects badly on you too, you know?

**PUCK**

Why?

**QUINN**

Well, me, Santana, Brittany, Rachel - all girls you've been with. People might start doing the math.

**PUCK**

Doesn't bother me. Long as I got my licks in first.

(GIGGLES)

Get it? Got my _lick__s _in?

QUINN PUNCHES HIM ON THE ARM. HE CASUALLY SLINGS THAT ARM AROUND HER SHOULDERS.

**PUCK (cont'd)**

I don't care of you're into chicks-

**QUINN**

I never _sai__d _I was into chicks! Everyone's just assuming that.

**PUCK**

To me, you're Beth's mom.

(BEAT)

Nothing else matters after that.

**QUINN (V.O.)**

And the surprises just keep on coming. I never knew I'd actually be able to smile on a day like today.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 6, SCENE 43**

**INT. BERRY RESIDENCE  
**

RACHEL HAS TAKEN A DIFFERENT TACK AND REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL. SHE'S IN HER JAMMIES, CURLED UP UNDER HER _SPAMALOT! _BLANKET, LOOKING THOROUGHLY MISERABLE AND LISTENING TO SAD SONGS ON THE STEREO.

**STEREO**

_Make-believing, we're together,_

_That I'm sheltered by your heart._

_But in and outside, I turn to water,_

_Like a teardrop in your palm._

(A TEAR FROM RACHEL)

_And it's a hard winter's day,_

_And dream away..._

RACHEL STARTS MOUTHING ALONG.

**STEREO (cont'd)**

_It must have been love,_

_But it's over now._

_It must have been good,_

_But I lost it somehow._

_It must have been love,_

_But it's over now._

_From the moment we touched,_

_Til the time had run out._

_It must have been love..._

SHE BARELY REACTS TO THE KNOCK ON HER BEDROOM DOOR. IT OPENS, AND KURT ENTERS.

**KURT**

Hi.

RACHEL DOESN'T RESPOND, JUST BURROWS DEEPER UNDER THE COVERS. KURT SITS DOWN ON THE EDGE OF THE BED AND PUTS SOME TAKEAWAY PACKAGES ON THE NIGHTSTAND.

**KURT (cont'd)**

I brought you a chocolate frapacinno with extra cinnamon.

**RACHEL**

(FROM SOMEWHERE IN THE RECESSES OF THE BLANKET)

With skim milk?

**KURT**

It's chocolate, Rachel. I think it's a bit late for skim milk by this point.

**RACHEL**

(STILL BURIED)

Kurt!

**KURT**

Yes, with skim milk.

RACHEL DIGS HER WAY OUT AND GRATEFULLY ACCEPTS THE DRINK.

**RACHEL**

So you're not here to get some extra shots in on your brother's behalf?

**KURT**

Finn can fight his own battles.

(BEAT)

Besides, it would make for an awkward three years in New York if we were ex-best friends _an__d _roommates.

RACHEL SIPS AT THE DRINK. KURT WATCHES HER INTENTLY.

**RACHEL**

What? Looking for this?

SHE PUTS HER HAND UP TO HER BROW, THUMB AND FOREFINGER COCKED LIKE A GUN POINTED UPWARD, FORMING THE LETTER 'L'.

**KURT**

So what's the scarlet letter supposed to stand for?

**RACHEL**

Loser.

**KURT**

Not lesbian?

**RACHEL**

Kurt...

**KURT**

It's not a question you can run away from, Rachel.

**RACHEL**

I take it the whole school is abuzz?

**KURT**

A-Buzz and a-Lightyear, my darling.

(BEAT)

You and Quinn are the hottest thing to hit Ohio since Target discount stores and crop futures.

**RACHEL**

Quinn and I aren't... anything.

**KURT**

I know.

**RACHEL**

You know?

(WHEN HE GIVES A 'KURT' NOD)

Then why the interrogation?

**KURT**

Because that's not the point.

**RACHEL**

What is the point?

**KURT**

Do you want to be?

RACHEL GOES VERY QUIET, EXCEPT FOR THE SLURP SLURP OF HER 'COFFEE'.

**KURT (cont'd)**

I know you've been thinking about it since the kiss. Probably before that.

(BEAT, TRACE OF HURT)

Probably since she replaced me in the BFF stakes.

**RACHEL**

She never replaced you.

**KURT**

It's okay, Rachel. I'm not hurt.

(BEAT)

Well, not much.

(BEAT)

But what would hurt more is having to watch the woman I hold up as my future Broadway ideal lie to herself and drown in missed opportunities.

**RACHEL**

Opportunities? God! Finn and I broke up less than 24 hours ago!

**KURT**

For a reason.

AGAIN, RACHEL FALLS SILENT.

**KURT (cont'd)**

Look, no one's saying you have to go and declare your undying love for Quinn right now. But you do have to start asking yourself the hard questions. You have to find out if maybe there was a reason for all this. And most of all...

**RACHEL**

What?

**KURT**

You can't let her face this alone.

**RACHEL**

What are you talking about?

**KURT**

She's at school right now. The arrows are flying in from everywhere.

(BEAT)

And she's taking them. For you.

**RACHEL**

Are you serious?

KURT NODS. RACHEL PONDERS THIS FOR A SECOND, AND A STEELY RESOLVE SEEMS TO COME OVER HER.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

Fetch me my red sweater!

**KURT**

Oh, good God no! Not that one!

**RACHEL**

Kurt!

**CUT**** TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 6, SCENE 44**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY / CHOIR ROOM**

ALMOST IDENTICAL SHOT TO THE QUINN WALK - EXCEPT THIS TIME, RACHEL HAS KURT BESIDE HER AS SHE BRAVES THE HALLWAY. THERE'S VERY OBVIOUS POINTING AND STARING AND WHISPERING.

**KURT**

Chin up, eyes straight - don't let them get to you.

**RACHEL**

Is this what it was like for you?

**KURT**

Most days.

**RACHEL**

Kurt, I'm so sorry.

**KURT**

I'm not. I'm too strong for any of these people now because of it.

(BEAT)

You will be too.

RACHEL SEEMS TO TAKE VISIBLE STRENGTH FROM THAT. HER BEARING STRAIGHTENS AND THEY VERILY STRUT THROUGH THE SCHOOL.

**JOCK**

Hey, lesbatron!

**RACHEL**

Yes, inbreeder?

THAT SHUTS HIM UP. RACHEL SMILES TRIUMPHANTLY AS THEY TURN A CORNER, ONLY TO HEAR A RUCKUS COMING FROM THE CHOIR ROOM UP AHEAD.

**FINN (OFF)**

No! I don't accept it! Go to hell!

**WILL (OFF)**

Finn! Stop it!

**QUINN (OFF)**

It's okay, Mr. Schu. If he wants to act like this, he can shove it!

**WILL (OFF)**

Quinn, wait! Come back!

THE CHOIR ROOM DOOR OPENS AND QUINN, VERY UPSET, STORMS OUT. SHE PULLS UP SHORT WHEN SHE SPOTS RACHEL AND KURT. BEYOND HER, THEY CAN SEE FINN TOWERING ABOVE WILL IN THE CENTRE OF THE ROOM - ABSOLUTE FURY ON HIS FACE.

**KURT**

I'll run blockage.

**RACHEL**

You mean blocking?

**KURT**

What?

**RACHEL**

I can't believe you were ever on the football team.

KURT SHRUGS, HEADS FOR THE CHOIR ROOM. ON HIS WAY, HE TAKES A SECOND TO GIVE QUINN'S HAND A REASSURING SQUEEZE. HE GOES INSIDE, AND RESOLUTELY CLOSES THE DOOR. DOORS ARE CLOSING ALL OVER AS CLASSES START. SOON, RACHEL AND QUINN ARE LEFT ALONE.

**QUINN**

I didn't think you'd show.

**RACHEL**

I wasn't going to. Until Kurt told me you came in.

**QUINN**

So... what? You figured with two targets there'd be half the bullets? It doesn't work that way, Rachel. They'll just redouble their efforts.

**RACHEL**

I don't care about that.

**QUINN**

I do. What little reputation we had is gone now!

**RACHEL**

I don't care about that either.

**QUINN**

Oh.

(HANGS HER HEAD)

Because you lost someone and I didn't?

**RACHEL**

(TAKES A STEP)

Don't say that.

QUINN LOOKS UP AT HER. THEY'RE STANDING CLOSE NOW. AND LIKE ANY TIME THEY GET CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, THE VERY AIR BETWEEN THEM SEEMS TO CRACKLE WITH STRANGE ENERGY.

**QUINN**

(ALMOST A WHISPER)

What the hell are we doing?

**RACHEL**

I don't know.

**QUINN**

What the hell does this mean?

**RACHEL**

I don't know.

**QUINN**

What _d__o _you know?

**RACHEL**

(SMILES)

I don't know.

QUINN LAUGHS. IT'S A SAD LAUGH.

**QUINN**

I've never felt so scared in my life.

**RACHEL**

Me neither.

**QUINN**

Really?

**RACHEL**

Really.

**QUINN**

But you're still here.

RACHEL NODS. QUINN SMILES AGAIN. NOT SO SAD THIS TIME. SHE HOLDS OUT HER HAND. RACHEL STARES AT IT.

THIS IS THE MOMENT.

SHE TAKES HER HAND. QUINN TURNS, STARTS LEADING HER TO THE DOOR.

**RACHEL**

Where are we going?

**QUINN**

Back inside.

ONLY SOMEWHAT RELUCTANT, RACHEL FOLLOWS. THEY'RE STILL HOLDING HANDS AS QUINN OPENS THE DOOR AND THEY STEP INSIDE.

SMASH-PAN FROM THEIR ENTWINED HANDS TO THE WIDE-EYED EXPRESSIONS OF THE GATHERED KIDS. ESPECIALLY FINN, WHO LOOKS LIKE HE COULD CHEW ROCKS. WILL, FACING THE CLASS, TURNS AROUND AND OFFERS THEM A SMILE.

**WILL**

Glad you could make it.

**QUINN**

(WHISPERS, TO RACHEL)

Go sit.

NOW RACHEL APPEARS RELUCTANT TO LET GO OF HER HAND, BUT SHE DOES AND TAKES A SEAT BESIDE KURT AND BLAINE. QUINN STEPS UP BESIDE MR. SCHU, WHO GESTURES THAT SHE HAS THE FLOOR AND BACKS AWAY TO HIS SEAT.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

Is this still the place to be if you have a song to sing?

THE CLASS EXCHANGE PUZZLED GLANCES. THERE'S SOME MURMURING.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

Because some of you have been acting like you don't want me here. Like I don't belong here.

(BEAT)

Only Finn gets to feel that way, because I-

(BEAT)

We... hurt him.

(TO FINN)

I know you don't want to accept it, but I am sorry. I loved you once. I still do. And I never wanted to hurt you.

(BEAT)

But we don't always get to make that choice, do we?

(TO THE REST OF THE CLASS)

So... is this still the place?

**SANTANA**

What's the song?

QUINN TURNS, GOES OVER TO THE BAND AND GIVES THEM SOME QUICK INSTRUCTION. THE ACOUSTIC GUITAR PAYER IS THE FIRST TO PLUCK THE STRINGS. THE CHORDS JANGLE OUT IN A DITTY, ALMOST FOLKSY LITTLE TUNE.

QUINN SQUARES HER SHOULDERS AND FACES RACHEL. ONLY RACHEL. AND STARTS TO SING...

AS SHE SINGS, WE GET REACTION SHOTS OF THE CLASS. SOME ARE OKAY WITH THIS. MOST ARE NOT. QUINN DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE.

**QUINN**

_Kiss me..._

_Out in the bearded barley._

_Nightly..._

_Beside the green, green grass._

_Swing swing, swing the spinning step,_

_You wear those shoes and I will wear that __dress..._

**DISSOLVE TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 6, SCENE 45**

**INT. FANCY RESTAURANT, TERRACE  
**

QUINN AND RACHEL, BOTH WEARING STUNNING, FLOWING SUNDRESS - RACHEL IN RED AND QUINN IN WHITE - STEP AWAY FROM THEIR TABLE IN A FANCY RESTAURANT. THEY'RE ON A DATE.

QUINN LEADS RACHEL OUTSIDE ONTO THE TERRACE, WHERE THERE'S A DANCEFLOOR SURROUNDED BY FAIRY-LIGHTS. THEY PUT THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER, AS QUINN KEEPS SINGING ALONG WITH THE HOUSE BAND.

**QUINN**

_Oh, kiss me..._

_Beneath the milky twilight._

_Lead me..._

_Out on the moonlit floor._

_Lift your open hand,_

_Strike up the band, and make the fireflies __dance, silver moon sparkling..._

_So kiss me..._

THE MUSIC BLEEDS AWAY FOR A MOMENT, AS THE OTHER COUPLES ON THE DANCEFLOOR, WITH HATEFUL AND SUSPICIOUS LOOKS, START DRIFTING AWAY ONE BY ONE. RACHEL LOOKS AROUND.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

(WHISPERS)

Don't worry about it.

**RACHEL**

I'm not. I'm just wondering...

**QUINN**

What's to wonder?

(BEAT)

This can be so simple. We're just two people out for an evening. Just two people dancing.

**RACHEL**

Yeah, but... what happens after?

**QUINN**

After?

**RACHEL**

When the music stops?

QUINN IS QUIET FOR A WHILE, THEN:

**QUINN**

We pretend it never did.

RACHEL GIVES HER A SMILE SO BRIGHT IT SHAMES THE MOON FOR A SECOND. SHE LAYS HER HEAD ON QUINN'S SHOULDER, AS THE BLONDE BEAUTY STARTS TO SING AGAIN.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_So kiss me..._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM **

QUINN'S STILL SINGING TO THE CLASS. THOSE WHO WERE FROWNING AT THE BEGINNING NOW HAVE DREAMY EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES, AS THE MUSIC, AND HER VOICE, AND THE TRUTH OF IT STARTS SEEPING INTO THEIR SOULS.

**QUINN**

_Kiss me..._

_Down by the broken tree-house._

_Swing me..._

_Up on this hanging tyre._

_Bring, bring... bring your flowered hat,_

_We'll take the trail marked on your __father's map._

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**EXT. GLADE BY THE LAKESIDE  
**

QUINN AND RACHEL, HAND-IN-HAND, WALK A PATH AROUND A LAKE. THE STARS ARE GLITTERDUST ON THE WATER.

**QUINN**

_Oh, kiss me..._

_Beneath the milky twilight._

_Lead me..._

_Out on the moonlit floor._

_Lift your open hand,_

_Strike up the band, and make the fireflies __dance, silver moon sparkling..._

_So kiss me..._

AS THE PAN-FLUTE PLAYS, IN A MOVE OF SUDDEN, CRAZY SPONTANEITY, RACHEL TWIRLS QUINN AROUND, LAUGHING WITH DELIGHT AS HER DRESS SPIRALS OUT - THE MARILYN MONROE OF OLD.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_Oh, kiss me..._

_Beneath the milky twilight._

_Lead me..._

_Out on the moonlit floor._

_Lift your open hand,_

_Strike up the band, and make the fireflies __dance, silver moon sparkling..._

_So kiss me..._

THEY'RE FACE TO FACE. SO CLOSE THEIR BREATH MINGLES IN THE CHILLY AIR.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_So kiss me..._

CLOSER... THEIR EYES DRIFTING SLOWLY SHUT.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_Kiss me..._

MILLIMETERS NOW. MILLIMETERS AND A LIFETIME OF DREAMING.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

_Kiss me._

SO SHE DOES. AND IT'S PERFECT.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**


	10. Perchance To Dream

**ACT 6, SCENE 48**

**INT. BERRY RESIDENCE  
**

LATER THAT SAME NIGHT.

RACHEL HAS JUST GOT HOME. SHE'S JUST ABOUT FLOATING, AND IF THE SMILE ON HER FACE GOT ANY WIDER... WELL... IT WOULD BE REALLY, _REALL__Y _WIDE!

SHE TOSSES HER BAG ON THE BED, HEADS FOR HER DRESSER AND STARTS TAKING OFF HER JEWELLERY. SHE'S SMILING AT HERSELF IN THE MIRROR, UNTIL HER EYES FALL ON THE PHOTO JAMMED IN THE FRAME IN THE TOP LEFT-HAND CORNER.

A PICTURE OF HERSELF AND FINN, PULLING GOOFY FACES FOR THE CAMERA.

THE SMILE WAVERS A LITTLE. THEN THERE'S A

**CRACK!**

SHE SWINGS ROUND, GIVES A LITTLE YELP AT THE NOISE. IT CAME FROM THE WINDOW. SCARED, SHE TIPTOES OVER AND PEERS OUT, ONLY TO SEE A FIGURE MOVING THROUGH THE LEAVES OF THE OAK TREE OUTSIDE HER WINDOW. THEN, SHE CATCHES A FLASH OF THE FIGURE'S FACE IN THE MOONLIGHT, AND YANKS OPEN THE WINDOW.

**RACHEL**

Finn! Finn, what the hell are you doing? Get down from there! You're going to break your neck!

FINN HAS NO BREATH TO SPARE FOR EXPLANATIONS. HE'S CLIMBING FROM LIMB TO LIMB, EXERTING HIMSELF UNTIL HE REACHES A BOUGH THAT DRAWS HIM LEVEL WITH RACHEL'S WINDOW. HE MANAGES TO CROUCH THERE, ONE ARM FLUNG AROUND ANOTHER BRANCH.

**FINN**

I had to talk to you.

**RACHEL**

I have a front door!

**FINN**

I figured this would be more romantic.

**RACHEL**

Romantic? Finn, what-?

**FINN**

You remember how I told you that you seem to hear me best when I'm not talking?

**RACHEL**

Yeah.

**FINN**

Well, you listen best when _you'r__e _not talking.

(HE CHECKS HIS WATCH)

Turn on the radio.

**RACHEL**

What?

**FINN**

Now! Quick!

DECIDING IT'S BEST NOT TO ARGUE WITH A CRAZY PERSON, RACHEL GOES OVER AND FLIPS ON THE RADIO.

**FINN (cont'd)**

99.5!

SHE ADJUSTS THE DIAL, AND

**DJ (V.O.)**

...here on WKRP! This next song goes out to Rachel, from Finn!

**RACHEL**

(TURNS BACK TO THE WINDOW)

I wish you hadn't done this.

**DJ (V.O.)**

Rachel, Finn says he doesn't care that you're a lesbian now! If It worked out for that Jewish guy on _Friend__s_, it can work for you two!

**RACHEL**

He didn't end up with her!

**FINN**

But he ended up with Rachel, right?

RACHEL BITES HER LIP.

**DJ (V.O.)**

Wow, guys, you seem to have some issues. I hope it works out for you. Rachel, here's your song...

AND FINN SINGS ALONG.

**FINN**

_Shadows fill an empty heart,_

_As love is fading._

_From all the things that we are, And are not saying._

_Can we see beyond the stars, And make it to the dawn...?_

SHAKING HER HEAD, RACHEL APPROACHES HIM, WHERE HE'S STILL HANGING PRECARIOUSLY OUTSIDE THE WINDOW.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_Change the colours of the sky,_

_And open up to,_

_The ways you made me feel alive,_

_The ways I loved you._

_For all the things that never die,_

_To make it through the night,_

_Love will find you..._

SHE CROUCHES BY THE WINDOW, WITH HER ARMS ON THE SILL - MUCH LIKE SHE WAS IN THE AUDITORIUM THE DAY THEY BROKE UP. IT'S ANOTHER ROMEO AND JULIET SCENE. BUT, AGAIN, NOT QUITE.

**FIN****N****(cont'****d****) **

_Wha__t __abou__t __now? _

_Wha__t __abou__t __today?_

_What if you're making me, _

_All that I was meant to be? _

_What if our love,_

_Never went away?_

_What if it's lost behind,_

_Words we can never find?_

_Baby, before it's too late..._

SHE SILENCES HIM WITH A KISS.

IT'S SO SUDDEN, SO UNEXPECTED, HE ALMOST FALLS OUT OF THE TREE. BUT HE MANAGES TO HOLD ON.

RACHEL HAS HER EYES SCREWED TIGHT AS HER LIPS LOCK TO THE ONE SHE'D PROMISED TO LOVE FOREVER. OUT THE CORNERS, WE SEE SAD TEARS ESCAPE.

WHEN SHE BREAKS AWAY, HE'S BREATHLESS, AND SHE'S CRYING.

**FINN (cont'd)**

Does this mean...?

(SHE SHAKES HER HEAD)

But...

**RACHEL**

I love her.

FINN SEEMS TO SAG. SCARED HE'S GOING TO FALL, SHE LUNGES FORWARD, BUT HE DRAWS BACK.

**FINN**

You love her?

**RACHEL**

(SO SOFT)

Yes...

FINN CAN'T SEEM TO PROCESS THIS. HIS FACE IS BLANK. HE LOOKS SO LOST. ALMOST ROBOTICALLY, HE STARTS THE LONG CLIMB DOWN. RACHEL CAN'T BEAR TO WATCH, AND CLOSES THE WINDOW.

SHE SINKS DOWN ON THE FLOOR UNDERNEATH THE SILL, WEEPING. GREAT, WRACKING SOBS THAT WELL UP FROM THE PIT OF HER STOMACH.

ON THE RADIO, THE ONE SONG ENDS, AND ANOTHER BEGINS.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_Never look back, we said..._

_How was I to know, I'd miss you so?_

_Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind,_

_Where do I go?_

_And you didn't hear all my joy through my __tears,_

_All my hopes through my fears, did you __know?_

_Still I miss you somehow..._

SHE'S A WRECK, CAN BARELY GET THE WORDS OUT. BUT SHE TRIES. BECAUSE SHE MUST.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_From the bottom of my broken heart..._

_There's just a thing or two I'd like you __to know._

OUTSIDE, FINN HAS MADE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THE TREE. HE STARES UP AT THE LIGHT COMING THROUGH THE WINDOW. LOOKING LIKE A MAN WHO'S WORLD HAS GONE.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

_You were my first love, you were my true __love._

_From the first kisses to the very last __rose._

_From the bottom of my broken heart..._

_Even though time may find me somebody new._

_You were my real love, I never knew love,_

_Til there was you..._

_From the bottom of my broken heart._

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THIS WHOLE SORRY MESS BEGAN... FINN HUDSON STARTS TO CRY.

**SIXTH COMMERCIAL BREAK:**

**.**

**.**


	11. Sacrifice To Love

**ACT 7, SCENE 49**

**EXT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, COURTYARD/ HALLWAY**

_LEGEND: 2 WEEKS LATER._

THE GANG - MINUS FINN - ARE HANGING OUT AT THE BASE OF THE STAIRS, ENJOYING A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY. BRITTANY SITS WITH HER LEGS OPEN, SANTANA TUCKED IN-BETWEEN THEM, FEEDING HER GRAPES. RACHEL, WITH HER LEGS IN KURT'S LAP AND HER HEAD ON QUINN'S LAP, PULLS A FACE.

**RACHEL**

Ugh! Tell me we don't look like that!

**KURT**

No. Worse.

**QUINN**

Ugh.

**BRITTANY**

Did you both just say ugh?

**MIKE**

I'm calling an extra practice after school.

**SAM**

No!

**RORY**

Come on!

**MIKE**

Nationals is three days away!

**BLAINE**

Mike's right. We need it.

**MERCEDES**

Maybe you do. I am note-perfect.

**SUGAR**

When you remember the words.

**MERCEDES**

That happened one time!

**TINA**

It's been happening to all of us. We haven't been able to rehearse as much.

**SANTANA**

Thanks to Figgins!

**BRITTANY**

And Coach Sylvester!

**SAM**

I don't have anything against Christian music-

**QUINN**

I should hope not. You're in the God Squad.

**SAM**

-but they shouldn't be forcing us to sing _onl__y _Christian music in school!

**PUCK**

Relax. At least Mr. Schu's helping with the lie that we're gonna do the religious thing at Nationals.

**ARTIE**

Still, it meant too many split practices singing those fake songs in the choir room. We're meeting at my house at 4.

**RACHEL**

Yes sir, Mister Director, sir!

**ARTIE**

And don't you forget it.

RACHEL LAUGHS. BUT IT QUICKLY FADES. QUINN NOTICES HER LOOKING ACROSS THE COURTYARD AND FOLLOWS HER GAZE. FINN HAS JUST STEPPED OUT THE DOOR. HE STOPS THERE, LOOKING OVER AT THEM. THE OTHERS HAVE NOTICED HIM TOO. FINN TURNS, APPROACHES A BUNCH OF GUYS IN LETTERMAN JACKETS, GREETS THEM WITH HUGS AND HANDSHAKES.

**BRITTANY**

I miss him.

**QUINN**

We all do.

**SANTANA**

Have you spoken to him?

**RACHEL**

Not since he quit Glee.

**RORY**

Finn was the first person in America to try and be my friend.

(BEAT)

He didn't care that everyone else thought my accent was funny-

**PUCK**

We _al__l _find your accent funny.

**RORY**

Or that I was just a geeky kid. He introduced me to all you guys. I'll never be able to thank him for that.

HIS WORDS HIT RACHEL AND QUINN LIKE BLOWS. BUT THEN THE BELL RINGS, AND EVERYONE GETS WEARILY TO THEIR FEET. RACHEL AND QUINN LAG BEHIND THE OTHERS AS THEY HEAD INSIDE, BOTH HOPING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF FINN.

BUT HE'S GONE.

WITH 'OH WELL' SMILES, THEY LINK HANDS AND FOLLOW THEIR FRIENDS. UP AHEAD, SAM AND MIKE ARE HAVING AN ARGUMENT.

**MIKE**

You can't compare _Th__e __Matri__x _to _Crouching __Tiger._

**SAM**

_Crapp__y __Tige__r _is a chick flick with Kung-Fu!

**MIKE**

First of all, _Crappy-_

(BEAT)

_Crouchin__g __Tige__r _is actually about something. Love. Honour. Trust.

**SAM**

_Th__e __Matri__x _is about something. Illusion. Reality. Gunfire.

**MIKE**

You simply can't prefer Keanu Reeves to Michelle Yeoh. You can't.

(BEAT)

I won't let you.

**TINA**

Will you two please-?

SHE DOESN'T FINISH. THE WHOLE GROUP SUDDENLY STOPS IN THE HALLWAY - AN AUDIBLE GASP RISING FROM ALL OF THEM. RACHEL AND QUINN CAN'T SEE PAST MIKE AND SAM.

**QUINN**

What's going on?

**SAM**

I'm so sorry.

**RACHEL**

What is it?

THEY SHOVE THEIR WAY TO THE FRONT.

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

Is that my locker?

SURE ENOUGH, OVER HER LOCKER, IN LARGE PURPLE LETTERS, ARE SPRAY-PAINTED THE WORDS:

'FABERRY!FAGS!FREAKS!'

RACHEL CLAPS HER HANDS TO HER MOUTH. QUINN'S LIP IS TREMBLING. THERE'S A CROWD AROUND THEM AS THE WHOLE SCHOOL SEEMS TO WANT TO GET THEIR REACTION. JBI IS THERE, WITH HIS CAMERA AND MICROPHONE.

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL**

A hate crime on school property. Let us watch as-

HE'S SUDDENLY YANKED BACKWARDS AND GOES SKIDDING DOWN THE HALLWAY. HE'S SHOCKED, LOOKS UP TO SEE FINN LOOMING OVER HIM.

**JACOB BEN ISRAEL (cont'd)**

Sorry.

FINN SAYS NOTHING, MERELY TURNS BACK TO WHERE HIS FRIENDS ARE GATHERED. KURT TRIES TO LIGHTEN THE SITUATION.

**KURT**

Well, at least we know alliteration isn't dead.

**BLAINE**

Yeah, that's _s__o _portmanteau!

RACHEL SHUTS HER EYES TO KEEP FROM CRYING, THEN TAKES OFF. SHE BURSTS THROUGH THE GATHERED RANKS AND DASHES UP THE HALL. QUINN RUSHES AFTER HER.

**QUINN**

Rachel! Wait!

BUT RACHEL'S NOT WAITING. SHE WANTS OUT OF THERE. NOW. QUINN HAS TO RUN, AND CATCHES HER TWO CLASSROOMS UP, GRABBING HER HAND AND SPINNING HER ROUND.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

Stop!

**RACHEL**

No! I'm done! I'm done, Quinn! I'm done!

THE STUDENTS CAN STILL HEAR THEM. NOBODY SEEMS CAPABLE OF MOVING, LET ALONE SPEAKING. FINN, TOWERING ABOVE EVERYBODY, WATCHES WITH HIS FACE INSCRUTABLE.

**QUINN**

What do you mean 'you're done'? It's a stupid prank!

(BEAT)

I wish I could say they'll leave us alone eventually, but we'll probably graduate before that happens!

**RACHEL**

We're not even going to enjoy our graduation!

(BEAT)

This is our senior year! It was supposed to be magical! It was supposed to be-

**QUINN**

It _wa__s _magical. For me.

RACHEL SHAKES HER HEAD, CAN'T MEET HER EYE.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

Wasn't it for you? These past two weeks?

**RACHEL**

They cost too much. I haven't spoken to Finn in weeks. My parents are pissed at me for being so selfish and breaking his heart!

(BEAT)

This isn't slushies and whispered comments in the hall, Quinn! I can't handle it anymore! I just can't!

**QUINN**

So what do you want to do? If we're going to be together, then this stuff's going to keep happening! That's just the way it is!

RACHEL TAKES A STEP BACK. SHE LOOKS AWAY. QUINN GASPS. SHE REELS BACK, LIKE SHE'S BEEN STRUCK.

**QUINN (cont'd)**

Oh, my God...

**RACHEL**

What are we even fighting for?

(BEAT)

Half-baked plans about commuting from New York to New Haven? A future where neither of us can promise the other a minute's peace? Is that what we're fighting for?

**QUINN**

I thought so.

(BEAT)

But then... I guess that was just me.

QUINN TURNS AROUND, NOTICES THE CROWD THAT STILL HASN'T DISPERSED. WITH A SAD LITTLE SHAKE OF HER HEAD, SHE STEPS PAST RACHEL, HEADING UP THE HALLWAY. SANTANA RUSHES FORWARD.

**SANTANA**

Quinn, where are you going?

QUINN STOPS. SHE GIVES A LITTLE GIGGGLE. THE SOUND IS MORE THAN A LITTLE MAD.

**QUINN**

I have early acceptance. I don't have to be around this.

(BEAT)

Good luck with Nationals. You guys are gonna be great.

**RACHEL**

Nationals? Wait, what-?

**QUINN**

Knock 'em dead, Rachel.

(BEAT)

I'll be rooting for you.

WITH GRACE AND A RESOLVE THAT PREVENTS ANYONE FROM STEPPING IN HER WAY, QUINN LEAVES. IT SEEMS THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY WATCHES UNTIL SHE TURNS THE CORNER, AND IS GONE.

**SUGAR**

Oh my God... what are we going to do now?

FINN IS STANDING BEHIND HER. HE'S WATCHING RACHEL. A VEIN IN HIS JAW SEEMS TO THROB AS SHE COLLAPSES INTO SANTANA'S ARMS.

**CUT TO:**

**.**

**.**

**ACT 7, SCENE 50**

**INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM / HALLWAY / PARKING LOT**

A VERY SOMBRE GROUP - AGAIN, MINUS FINN - HAVE TAKEN THEIR SEATS. WILL STANDS IN FRONT OF THEM, DUMBFOUNDED.

**WILL**

What do you mean Quinn just quit?

**MERCEDES**

I think she's leaving school, Mr. Schu.

**WILL**

I know these past few weeks have been hard on you guys...

(BEAT)

Rachel, you especially, but I didn't think it would come to this.

**RACHEL**

It's better this way.

**SANTANA**

Don't say that!

**RACHEL**

It's true.

(BEAT)

Apparently you can be hated for the person you love. I don't-

(BEAT)

I don't want Quinn to suffer any more of that because of me.

SAD SILENCE FALLS.

**ARTIE**

Are we gonna rehearse, Mr. Schu?

**FINN (O.S.)**

Actually...

THEY TURN TO THE DOOR, WHERE A GRIM LOOKING FINN HAS ENTERED.

**FINN (cont'd)**

Mr. Schu, I prepared a song, if you don't mind.

**WILL**

Well, the rules have kind of changed, Finn, since you-

**FINN**

I know. It's a Christian song. By a Christian band, anyway.

**RACHEL**

(MUTTERS)

You've got to be kidding me...

KURT LEANS OVER TO WHISPER TO HER.

**KURT**

What?

**RACHEL**

Now? He's choosing this moment to beat me over the head with his judgmental attitude?

**KURT**

You know the rules. Anyone in Glee can sing whatever they want.

**RACHEL**

Screw the rules. I'd leave, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

**FINN**

Rachel?

FINN HAS SET HIMSELF IN THE FRONT OF THE CLASS - READY.

**FINN (cont'd)**

I'm not even gonna try and be subtle about it. This song's for you.

RACHEL TENSES.

AN ELECTRIC GUITAR. SLOW AND MOURNFUL. MESMERIZING.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_Welcome to the planet._

_Welcome to existence._

_Everyone's here, everyone's here._

_Everybody's watching you now._

RACHEL LOOKS AROUND. SURE ENOUGH, ALL EYES ARE ON HER.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_Everybody waits for you now..._

SHE PUTS ON A DEFIANT EXPRESSION. FINN ISN'T FAZED.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_What happens next?_

_What happens next?_

(THEN HE LAUNCHES INTO IT)

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor!_

_I dare you to move! I dare you to move!_

_Like today never happened. _

_Today never happened before._

SLOW SHOCK REGISTERS ON RACHEL'S FACE, AS THE MEANING OF HIS WORDS START TO SINK IN. TO REINFORCE HIS POINT, FINN STEPS FORWARD, TAKES HER BY THE HAND, AND LIFTS HER TO HER FEET.

**FINN (cont'd)**

_Welcome to the fallout._

_Welcome to existence._

_The tension is here, the tension is here._

_Between who you are, and who you could be._

_Between how it is and how it should be._

**RACHEL**

But...

**FINN**

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the __floor!_

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to move!_

_Like today never happened._

_Today never happened._

**RACHEL**

(HEARTFELT WHISPER)

Thank you...

SHE TAKES OFF. THROUGH THE DOOR, AND DOWN THE HALLWAY. WE FADE INTO SLOW MOTION AS SHE BOWLS OVER A HAPLESS STUDENT WHO HAPPENS TO GET IN HER WAY. RACHEL HURDLES HIS FALLEN BODY, INTENT ON HER DESTINATION. FINN'S SONG FOLLOWS HER...

**FINN**

_Maybe redemption is stories to tell._

_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell._

_Where can you run to escape from yourself?_

_Salvation is here..._

RACHEL BURSTS OUT THE FRONT DOORS AND INTO THE SUNLIGHT.

SHE SPOTS QUINN, LOADING THE LAST OF HER THINGS FROM HER LOCKER INTO HER CAR. RACHEL SPRINTS.

**RACHEL**

Quinn!

**FINN**

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the __floor!_

_I dare you to move!_

_I dare you to move!_

_Like today never happened._

_Today never happened before..._

QUINN LOOKS UP, STARTLED. RACHEL REACHES HER, COMPLETELY OUT OF BREATH. SHE CLUTCHES AT A PAIN IN HER SIDE, TRYING DESPERATELY TO GRAB AT LEAST _SOM__E_OXYGEN.

**QUINN**

What are you doing?

**RACHEL**

Couldn't... let... leave... without... question...

**QUINN**

Hold on. Get your breath back. You're gonna pass out.

**RACHEL**

Don't care... have to... question...

**QUINN**

What? What question?

**RACHEL**

One I... wanted... to ask you...

QUINN WAITS. RACHEL TAKES A FEW BEATS, HEAVING, MANAGES TO GET HER BREATHING UNDER CONTROL. WHEN SHE'S READY, SHE LOOKS QUINN DEAD IN THE EYE, AND SAYS:

**RACHEL (cont'd)**

Do you want to?

**QUINN**

Do I want to what?

**RACHEL**

I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if we can make this work. I don't know if those are our dreams waiting for us out there, or just traps for all our hopes. But I'm willing, so...

(BEAT)

Do you want to?

**QUINN**

Try again?

**RACHEL**

No.

(BEAT)

This is it. It's over. The music's stopped. So...

(BEAT)

Do you want to pretend it never did?

LOADED MOMENT.

IT TAKES EVERYTHING QUINN HAS NOT TO LAUGH. BUT SUCH IS HER JOY THAT SHE LAUNCHES HERSELF INTO RACHEL'S ARMS.

THEY KISS.

LIMBS ENTANGLED, THE KISS IS HUNGRY AND DESPERATE AND HOPELESS.

IN IT IS ALL THEY WANT AND FEAR AND NEED. BEYOND THE GROPING COUPLE, WE SEE A SILHOUETTE IN THE SCHOOL DOORWAY. A TALL FIGURE. FINN HUDSON, WATCHING TWO WOMEN HE LOVED AT DIFFERENT TIMES FIND LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.

AND HE'S SMILING.

BECAUSE HE KNOWS THE MUSIC HASN'T STOPPED. HE KNOWS THERE'S ALWAYS ONE LAST SONG.

**GLEE**

_It felt like springtime, on this February __morning._

_In a courtyard, birds were singing your __praise._

_I'm still recalling things you said to __make me feel... alright._

_I carry them with me today, now..._

_As I lay me down to sleep, yes I pray._

_That you will hold me dear, though I'm far __away._

_I'll whisper your name into the sky,_

_And I will wake up happy..._

_I wonder why, I feel so high, _

_Though I am not above the sorrow. _

_Heavy-hearted til you call my name. _

_And it felt like church bells, or the whistle of a train,_

_On a summer evening, I want to meet you barefoot,_

_Barely breathing..._

_As I lay me down to sleep, yes I pray._

_That you will hold me dear, though I'm far away._

_And I'll whisper your name into the sky,_

_And I will wake up happy..._

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**END OF EPISODE**

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**A/N: **So... that's it. I don't know if I achieved what I set out to achieve. Only you, the readers, can judge that.

I think the key - in writing this story - actually came to me when I realised _Kiss Me _would be Rachel and Quinn's song. Because that's when it hit me. In writing a Faberry, or a Pezberry, or whatever kind of AU fic, the key isn't in writing a story about two girls who suddenly become lesbian. That's _not_ what it's about. It's a love story. It's a story about a triangle, three people and their emotions.

That's when, I think, it works.

Anyway, I hope you agree, and I hope you enjoyed it. This was a crazy ride for me, and if I managed to pass a little of that on... I've done my job.

Reviews are love! :)

I'll post the sequel next week. It's fun. Set 7 years in the future, and it gets hectic... :)

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